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Why Gender Equality Makes Romantic Relationships Better (And That’s Just Common Sense)
There’s a thought-provoking piece by Alex Rivers in Business Insider titled, “Gender Equality Leads to More Stable Relationships.” It outlines various studies that support this claim. For instance, a 2007 study found that women paired with feminist partners reported more satisfying and stable relationships compared to those with non-feminist partners. Other research has shown that when income is more evenly distributed and household chores are shared fairly, couples experience stronger relationships and even a more active love life.
Of course, not all studies agree. A sensational 2014 New York Times article, “Does a More Equal Marriage Mean Less Sex?” suggested that while egalitarian couples are generally happier, they may also have less sex than those who adhere to traditional gender norms.
Regardless of where you stand on household chores and their effect on relationships, one insight from Rivers’ article particularly resonated with me. He posed the question, “Why does equality make us happy?” One reason might be that following traditional romantic scripts places a heavy burden on both partners. This pressure to conform stifles individuality, making it harder for couples to develop genuine intimacy.
I haven’t conducted any formal studies on relationships and gender dynamics, but my own experience as a husband and father of two has taught me valuable lessons. Growing up without a father, living with my single mom until I was 14, and then moving in with my grandmother, I lacked a traditional model for relationships. I entered marriage with a lot of anxiety about fulfilling the roles of husband and father.
While I wouldn’t wish my upbringing on anyone, it did give me a unique perspective on gender roles. I didn’t have strong preconceived notions about love or relationships, so my partner and I figured things out as we went along—mostly through trial and error (and a fair share of mistakes!).
My partner, Sam, and I have carved out our own path that doesn’t rely on traditional gender roles. It might seem unconventional that I handle the laundry while she manages the budget, but it works for us. I wouldn’t say our marriage is perfect—if such a thing even exists—but we’re genuinely happy together. We don’t see ourselves splitting up. When new tasks arise—whether it’s fixing a leaky faucet or planning our child’s birthday party—we discuss who is best suited for the job, rather than defaulting to gendered expectations.
As someone who grew up without a father, this dynamic brings me a sense of comfort. I appreciate having a partner to discuss problems with, find solutions, and move forward together rather than feeling pressured to fulfill a role I might not excel at just because I’m the man. I like to think that Sam feels the same way.
Ultimately, our relationship has developed naturally. Although it may not fit the traditional mold, it suits us perfectly. We prioritize communication and compromise over assumptions. While it’s not a foolproof approach, we both feel comfortable discussing everything—from finances to intimacy—and we usually find a middle ground.
Rivers concludes with an intriguing remark: “Does this mean men should stop initiating romantic relationships, or should women start picking up the tab? In the short term—like on a first date—sticking to traditional scripts can ease interactions, provided both partners are aligned. However, in the long run, maintaining gender inequalities in romantic relationships could do more harm than good. Gender equality doesn’t diminish romance; rather, it fosters more satisfying and healthier connections.”
Honestly, I stumbled into an egalitarian relationship, mostly because I lacked a template to follow. In hindsight, I’m grateful for this. There’s something incredibly freeing about not adhering to a script but instead crafting one that suits the unique needs of your relationship. Sure, there have been moments when Sam and I had to pause and question whether our reactions stemmed from the situation at hand or from ingrained gender norms. But overall, we’ve navigated what works best for us, and I can confidently say we’re happier for it.
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Summary:
Gender equality significantly enhances romantic relationships, leading to greater satisfaction and stability. Couples who share responsibilities and prioritize open communication often find themselves happier and more connected. While traditional norms can sometimes complicate dynamics, forging your own path can lead to a fulfilling partnership.