As a Mom with Bipolar Disorder, I’ve Embraced the Art of Self-Compassion

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Navigating motherhood is no walk in the park, and each of us carries our own unique set of challenges. As a bipolar mom, my list of struggles and insecurities could probably wrap around the whole neighborhood.

The first major battle in my journey was postpartum depression and anxiety. Thankfully, I managed to avoid the depths of psychosis and hospitalization, but I faced debilitating fear, relentless pacing, and the all-consuming weight of suicidal thoughts—definitely not the ideal setup for new motherhood amidst the chaos of sleepless nights and diaper blowouts.

Then came the hypomanic phase—imagine me twirling around the house, full of energy, dancing with the kids, and saying yes to every wild adventure they dreamed up. But oh, how the pendulum swings! The crash that followed left me bedridden, with my kids wondering why I was too tired to read their favorite stories. I found myself struggling to put my feelings into “kid-friendly” language.

There was a point when I had to check into a hospital for a week, far enough away that the kids couldn’t visit, though they could call. I reassured my oldest that my brain just needed a little medicine to get back on track, and he seemed to get it. But then came the unthinkable—my husband and kids discovered me unconscious, and the ambulance whisked me away. Another week in the hospital followed, but my kids remained blissfully unaware that I was in a psychiatric facility. They saw me a few times in my bare room, and I was released just in time for my youngest’s birthday.

Let’s just say the classic “mommy guilt” has nothing on what I carry. Thankfully, recovery has taught me to tackle that guilt and shame. Compassion towards oneself is crucial for all moms, but especially for a bipolar one like me. Mistakes in parenting can feel magnified by my condition, but I’m learning to manage them, and I remind myself that my kids will be alright. I just need to breathe and take it all in stride.

Even during my darkest moments, I know my children are observing my journey. If they must have a mom with bipolar disorder, at least they get to witness the embodiment of strength and resilience. They truly have one tough mama!

For more insights on family planning and pregnancy, check out this other blog post, or if you’re exploring home insemination options, Make a Mom has some fantastic resources. And for a deeper dive into family-building options, Resolve is an excellent place to start.

In summary, being a bipolar mom presents its unique set of challenges, but embracing self-compassion and resilience allows me to navigate motherhood with strength. Remember, even on tough days, my journey teaches my kids valuable lessons about perseverance.