One day, my kids may inquire how I realized their dad was the right one for me. Maybe they’ll stumble across a fairy tale and ponder the concept of perfect love or Prince Charming. Perhaps they’ll watch a romantic film and start dreaming about their own first kiss or crush. Or maybe they will find themselves on the cusp of adulthood, standing next to a special someone and wondering when, how, or if they should commit for the long haul.
I plan to respond with honesty, as I always do, adapting my message to their age and readiness for some real talk. I wish to inspire them to have faith in something that can often feel elusive. This intention persists despite the fact that doubt has been a significant part of my early relationship with my husband, stemming more from my own rocky dating history than from any lack of trust in him.
I still remember the early days of our relationship when he surprised me with a collection of my favorite romantic comedies, knowledge gleaned from many heart-to-heart conversations we’d shared. In return, I handed him a piece of my somewhat jaded heart, making it clear that while I loved him, it wasn’t unconditional. I even listed all the conditions under which my affection might fade. And yes, I did this over a candlelit dinner on Valentine’s Day.
I believe that we need more honest discussions about love, especially with our kids. Love can manifest through grand gestures, bouquets of roses, and candlelit dinners, often leading to a false sense of security. It’s easy to feel drawn to someone who says and does all the right things, and my husband excels at that. However, those moments aren’t what I’ll focus on when I talk to my children.
Real love is also about the tough times, the losses, and the heartbreaks. It’s those moments when you seek comfort from the people you cherish, and their presence becomes your refuge. Ironically, it’s during these tough times that you might feel compelled to declare your love, as your soul desperately craves connection. I’ve experienced love in my darkest hours, and it has helped me navigate through them. Yet, those moments don’t define my marriage as I once believed they would.
The love I want to share with my kids is found in the ordinary, everyday moments. It’s in my husband bringing me a glass of water every night before bed, knowing I’ll be up nursing our baby. It’s in him telling our kids how smart their mom is, ensuring they know how much he admires me. It’s in the awkward moments when he tries to compliment me but misses the mark (“She doesn’t look that young, like the same kind of young as you”). It’s the love that prevails when we argue in front of our children, demonstrating that disagreement doesn’t negate love; it simply means you disagree respectfully—well, mostly respectfully—and then move on.
It’s a montage of small moments and conversations, a collection of actions that build the foundation of our love. That’s how I know it’s real. But to keep my kids entertained (because even though I have three, it often feels like a crowd), I’ll share a specific memory that captures the essence of our relationship—one that happened just this past weekend.
My husband, who enjoys fun but isn’t always into costume parties, surprised me when we were invited to an ’80s-themed bash. I had been planning my outfit for weeks, reveling in the thrill of a good theme. I hardly considered what he might wear, assuming he wouldn’t engage in the costume fun.
Imagine my surprise when, as he groomed his beard before the party, he casually asked, “Should I shave off my beard and rock a mustache tonight?” I didn’t want to pressure him, so I shrugged and told him to do as he pleased.
Then, just as I was about to leave the bathroom, I heard him exclaim, “Forget it.” I turned around to see my husband—the one who usually sticks to Lacoste shirts—sporting the most ridiculous, creepy mustache I had ever seen. And in that moment, I adored him even more.
“This…” I said, “this is why I married you. Your dedication to a theme.” And we both burst into laughter.
One day, I’ll recount this story to my kids. It may not be the most romantic or grand gesture, but it’s a reminder of why I chose my best friend. This is the guy who will do anything to make me laugh, even if it means sporting a mustache that might scare the neighbors. I hope my kids will find that same joy in their relationships.
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Summary
In a heartfelt reflection on love and marriage, a mother shares her intentions to guide her children through the complexities of relationships. Rather than focusing solely on grand gestures, she emphasizes the importance of everyday moments of care and humor—like her husband’s hilarious commitment to theme parties. This narrative serves to inspire hope and understanding in her children as they explore love in their own lives.