Your cart is currently empty!
Marriage: Embracing the Little Irritations
Marriage is about cohabiting long enough to get under each other’s skin over the smallest details.
The other day, my partner, Jamie, and I found ourselves in a church pew, filling out a quirky Facebook questionnaire that was making the rounds for Valentine’s Day. Surprisingly, our three kids were behaving, allowing us to whisper our answers while someone spoke from the pulpit. The questions started off easy, like “How long have you been together?” (a solid 13 years) and “Who’s older?” (that would be Jamie). But then we hit a few that felt more like a reveal than a fun game.
Who Creates the Most Mess?
“Who creates the most mess?” Jamie leaned in and asked, eyebrow raised. Without a second thought, she said, “You.”
I shot back, “Have you seen the kitchen counter? It’s a disaster zone — all you!”
She wasn’t backing down, though. “What about your side of the bedroom? Who’s responsible for that chaos?”
Eventually, we settled on a diplomatic answer: “We’re equally messy.” But deep down, I knew that was a stretch. After living with Jamie for over a decade, I was well aware of her clutter–the pile of hair products and cords in the bathroom, and the kitchen chaos she often left behind.
Yet I had my own messes too—like the laundry pile that loomed over my side of the room and the crumbs that refused to vanish from my car.
Who’s the Worse Driver?
“Who’s the worse driver?” Jamie moved on to the next question.
“You’ve had more tickets,” I countered.
“One ticket! You never use your blinker and always get lost. Plus, you speed!”
We continued to bicker over other questions like “Who hogs the bed?” and “Who is the most sensitive?” While none of our answers revealed any shocking truths, they did highlight how, after all these years, we’d started to annoy each other in some pretty trivial ways. Our whispers transformed into animated discussions, complete with eye-rolls and exaggerated hand gestures, prompting curious glances from the pews in front of us.
Who Has the Worst Temper?
One particular question struck me: “Who has the worst temper?”
We both shrugged and agreed, “Let’s say we’re even to avoid an argument.” And while that was somewhat sarcastic, I think we hit the nail on the head. They say opposites attract, and Jamie and I couldn’t be more different. She loves gardening, while I can’t stand it. I’m into distance cycling; she prefers leisurely walks. I’m an English geek, and she’s all about science. If you were to run our preferences through a matchmaking service, we’d probably never end up together.
And yet here we are, happily married, three kids, and a mortgage later. That silly questionnaire revealed something profound. By the end of it, we were both laughing, though it was a “I’m annoyed but have to keep it together in public” kind of laughter.
Finding Common Ground
Reflecting on our back-and-forth, I realized we are more alike than I thought. We both have our messes and neither of us can claim to be the neat freak. We hog the bed in our own ways, and while neither of us are stellar drivers, we’re not terrible either. It’s true what they say: the little things can really add up.
Long-term marriage brings you face-to-face with all your partner’s quirks—both the good and the frustrating. But here’s the kicker: a lot of what irritates me about Jamie also reflects my own flaws. This realization can be a bit mind-boggling.
The Key to a Successful Marriage
The key to making a marriage work lies in making a conscious choice to overlook the trivial stuff. You have to focus on the bigger picture—like how often they help with chores, how lovingly they care for your children, or those sweet “I love you” texts that brighten your day.
So, tonight when I get home, I’m going to remind Jamie how much I love her for all the wonderful things she brings to our lives, and I won’t dwell on her traffic tickets or the mess in the bathroom. I’m optimistic she’ll reciprocate by acknowledging my laundry folding skills (or lack thereof). For anyone feeling annoyed by the everyday quirks of living with someone, I suggest you do the same.
Conclusion
In conclusion, marriage is about enduring the little irritations and ultimately choosing to focus on the love that binds you together.