Peeps Oreos: The Cookie That No One Wanted Is Here

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Easter is on the horizon, folks! Yes, I know you’re still recovering from Valentine’s Day, battling the sugar highs from your kids’ candy stash, but brace yourself—March is sneaking in with St. Patrick’s Day and National Submarine Day. Lucky for you, both of those can be celebrated on the 17th, so you can check them off your list in one fell swoop.

With Easter comes a wave of marketing, and you know what that means—Peeps are back in the spotlight, and now they’ve teamed up with Oreos. Yes, you read that right. Oreos, the cookie that has already birthed an overwhelming number of variants, has once again ventured into uncharted territory with Peeps Oreos. According to updates from various sources, these cookies are made with two golden biscuits and filled with vibrant pink marshmallow Peeps-flavored crème—dusted with sugar. “Thank goodness they’re sugar-coated because they might not be sweet enough otherwise,” said those who have clearly never met a sensible dessert.

Let’s be honest here: Peeps are revolting. Shhh, listen closely: they are not meant for consumption. They claim to be a sugary marshmallow concoction, but let’s face it, we all know that Peeps are not meant to be eaten. They exist solely for microwaving and staging epic jousting battles with toothpicks. End of story.

Yet, there are countless misguided souls out there trying to figure out new ways to trick us into eating Peeps, leading us to this bizarre Oreo mashup. (And can we talk about how putting a Peep in an Oreo is akin to crushing a tiny chick in a junkyard compactor? “Where’s the chick, Mom?” “That flat pink part? That’s all that’s left. And that’s why we don’t let our Peeps go near Oreos.”)

Creative (Yet Questionable) Culinary Experiments Involving Peeps

If you’re curious about the creative (yet questionable) culinary experiments involving Peeps, check out some Pinterest gems:

• Peeps Popcorn: Here’s a little tune I’ve been crafting—a twist on “I’ve Been Working on the Railroad.” It goes, “Burn your Peeps alive in a pan, melt them down to goo, pour the remains over popcorn and try to sleep again.” Still needs some work.
• Peeps Driving Twinkies: Beep beep! All aboard the express train to Diabetes Junction! Don’t forget your insulin!
• Peep-tinis: Ever thought your martini needed even more sugar? Well, here’s your solution.
• Peeps On A Stick: The first photo is a challenge to eat, the second looks delectable, and the third? Let’s just say it’s best left to the imagination.
• Swimming Peeps: Yes, those are bright yellow Peeps floating in vibrant blue Jello. Reality is clearly overrated at this point.
• Peep Pie: All I can see are what look like Peep disaster sandwiches. Apologies for the juvenile humor.
• Peeps Centerpiece: In days of yore, bunnies were buried under layers of graham crackers and custard, topped off by frolicking baby chicks. Truly, it’s a sight to disturb the strongest of stomachs.
• Peeps In A Hot Tub: Now this is a Peep concept we can get behind. While it’s not exactly edible, we can definitely support this creative endeavor.

So let’s cut the charade: Peeps are not food, Oreo. They’re for jousting, smothering, and hot tubbing—nothing more. And Oreo, please, just give us one type of cookie. Let’s bring an end to this madness.

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In summary, Peeps Oreos are a bizarre creation that challenges the very essence of what cookies should be. With Easter approaching, let’s refocus on the traditional aspects of the holiday rather than reinventing it with questionable culinary fusions.