She can simply place her little one in the crib at 1 p.m. each day, say, “Sweet dreams, darling,” and step out to relish a blissful two hours of well-deserved time for herself.
Meanwhile, you find yourself perched quietly in the corner of his room, afraid to even take a breath, let alone risk stepping on a creaky floorboard. No matter how soundly he seems to be sleeping, he’ll wake up the moment you try to leave. He needs your presence like a fish needs water. So instead of me-time, you end up dozing off in the chair for ten minutes, only to wake up with a crick in your neck.
She feeds her baby a simple lunch of scrambled eggs, cucumber slices, and cheese, and her little one gobbles it all up without protest. If only you could get your baby to even consider an “easy” meal! Scrambled eggs end up decorating the ceiling. Last night, you were in the kitchen whipping up chickpea, broccoli, and spinach patties, desperately hoping to encourage her to feed herself. Even though you know she won’t eat it, you keep trying—determined to sneak some nutrition into her defiant little body.
She happily leaves her baby to play in the playroom for half an hour while she preps food or tackles chores. To you, half an hour feels like a distant dream. You can’t imagine a day when your baby might entertain himself for that long while you handle chores or cook—just one less thing to tackle in the evening. But he won’t play alone. He needs you close. He needs to feel you by his side.
She gives her baby a bottle and lays her down in her crib at 7 p.m. sharp, saying, “Good night, sweetheart,” before leaving the room. She then enjoys a lovely dinner with her partner, her hair and makeup still intact, followed by a couple of episodes of their favorite show. By 10:30 p.m., she’s off to bed, knowing she can sleep until 7 a.m.
You’re covered in baby spit-up and breast milk, and as you sit there nursing your little one, you realize you haven’t washed your hair in a week. You wish with all your heart that he’d sleep in his crib, but he wakes the second you leave the room. After an hour and a half of trying to get him to settle, you finally give in and lay him down in your bed. You want to sneak out once he’s asleep to enjoy dinner with your partner, but you’re too exhausted to move. Instead, you doze off with him beside you, while your partner takes the spare room. Sometimes, you find yourself crying because, as much as you cherish the closeness of having your baby next to you—breathing in that sweet baby scent and knowing he’s safe—it’s hard not to miss those quiet moments with your partner, just the two of you.
She occasionally leaves her baby with her parents on Saturday nights to enjoy a night out, followed by a leisurely Sunday morning sleep-in. Your parents are fantastic, but they’ve done all they can. They can’t possibly take her overnight; she’s just too much work, and they’ve had their share of sleepless nights. They’ll gladly take her once she’s “sleeping through.”
Let’s be real: Not many moms have it as easy as “she” does, but when you’re the mother of a high needs baby, it often feels like everyone else’s parenting journey is a walk in the park. With every friend you talk to, you find yourself tearing up a bit more because nap times, mealtimes, and bedtimes seem so much easier and more predictable for them.
She may need you to sit in the corner of the room or keep experimenting in the kitchen until you find meals she’ll actually eat. She might not be ready to stay at Grandma’s or sleep in her own bed until she’s three, but when your little one grows older and can express her gratitude, she will.
One day, she’ll tell you how she became a confident, secure individual because you met all her needs, even though it turned your world upside down. She’ll explain how trust came easily to her because you were always there when she woke, never breaking that bond. She’ll show you the healthy relationships she forms, thanks to how well her dad adapted to the changes and supported you in prioritizing her needs.
Maybe not in those exact words, but I promise you, she will convey all this when she’s old enough. And when you’ve weathered these exhausting days and can breathe a little easier, you’ll be forever grateful that you listened to her and trusted your instincts.
Parenting a high needs baby is no walk in the park, but hang in there and keep trusting yourself. You are incredible, and you are not alone.
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Summary:
This is a heartfelt reminder to mothers of high needs babies that they are not alone in their struggles. The piece contrasts the experiences of different mothers, highlighting the unique challenges faced by those with high needs children. It emphasizes the importance of trusting one’s instincts and the long-term benefits of meeting a child’s needs. The message is one of solidarity, resilience, and hope for the future.