Today, I really wanted to “tap out” of motherhood for a while. I know it sounds terrible to say, but honesty is the best policy, right? I hit a wall today and thought, “I can’t do this anymore. I’m not cut out for this. I’m done.” Between feeling utterly exhausted and overwhelmed, I was in a low place. I’m over being sick. I’m over visits to the hospital. I’m over the stress that’s lingered for weeks.
But it goes deeper than that.
I’m tired of talking until I’m hoarse and no one seems to hear me. I’m fed up with stepping over the same jacket or toy or shoe—no matter how many times I ask someone to pick it up, it always seems to end up in a different spot. And honestly, I won’t even get started on the dishes or laundry, because thinking about it makes me feel like I’m repeating the same old song. I’m over that chaos.
I’m done cleaning up messes just for them to be made all over again. I’m done putting clothes away only for them to be thrown around minutes later. I’m done feeling like a hamster stuck on a wheel that’s about to break. “I’m done,” I told myself today as I felt my energy wane.
How I wish I could call my mom to come over and make everything better. Oh, how I wish I could! I’d love to have a magic pill to make everyone feel better and keep my family in a protective bubble, but alas, that medicine hasn’t been invented yet. I even wish I could clone myself so I wouldn’t feel so utterly drained, like I’ve hit rock bottom…again.
Today, I raised my voice when I found a bit of strength. I lost my patience and might as well have won the Worst Mom of the Year award. I let negativity, exhaustion, and illness win.
But then there was a little moment tonight with my baby. She sensed everything I’d been feeling and shared in my struggles all day long. And with just one simple statement, she reminded me how wrong I was. She looked at me with such love and sincerity, rubbed my cheek with her tiny hand, and said, “I make you happy, Mama.”
It wasn’t a question; it was a solid fact. “I make you happy, Mama.” I kissed her sweet hands and cheeks so much that I might have lulled her to sleep. It’s amazing how those five little words helped me realize I could keep going. Sometimes, we just need a two-year-old to give us that little nudge.
When we think we’ve run out of steam, something or someone unexpectedly refuels us. That’s the essence of parenthood, my friends. That’s how we find the strength to face another day.
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Summary:
Taking a break from motherhood can feel necessary when exhaustion and overwhelm set in. However, small moments of connection with our children can reignite our strength and remind us of the joy in parenting.