As evidenced by the adorable photos of pint-sized scholars celebrating their 100th day of kindergarten on social media, we’re speeding towards first grade, and the pressure is palpable.
My son, Max, attends a Montessori school but also goes to speech and occupational therapy three times a week at our local public school. Just this week, the occupational therapist, who’s supposed to help him refine his fine motor skills (like how to hold a crayon properly), shamed me by insisting he should already be writing full sentences. “What has he been doing at that other school?” she exclaimed, clearly frustrated.
Meanwhile, my friend Sarah, whose son is also in kindergarten at a public school, received a note from his teacher stating, “He doesn’t know any sight words.” (Oh, I have a sight word for her!) I had never even heard of sight words until recently. Sure, memorizing a bunch of words can boost test scores, but whatever happened to phonics and sounding things out? I read an article about Finland having the top education system, and they don’t start reading and writing until age 7. Instead, they emphasize play, outdoor time, and practical skills. Forcing boys to sit still and read for hours just goes against their nature.
I was the quintessential student, a teacher’s pet from kindergarten through college. Then my brother came along two years later, proving to be my complete opposite. His third-grade teacher had him sit next to her in a “seat of shame” all year. Today, he holds two master’s degrees while I have none and he’s raking in a much higher salary.
When Max was still scooting around on his bottom at 15 months, my husband reassured me that he wouldn’t be going to kindergarten that way. I know my son will eventually learn to read. He’s going to thrive; he just needs to do it at his own pace.
Yet, here in America, moms gather at the playground comparing their child’s IQ and reading levels as if it’s a competition. What’s with this need to compete? We should be lifting each other up and celebrating the strengths of our friends’ kids to reassure them they’re doing great.
I did have Max’s IQ tested hoping for some insight into his challenges. The night before the test, I lay in bed dreaming of a score of 160. My inner mama bear thought, “That’ll show everyone! He’s a genius and take that all you daycares that kicked him out!”
The result? His IQ score was inconclusive. He refused to participate in several sections and at one point, burst out of the room crying as if he were escaping a horror movie. He excelled at puzzles and math, but when it came to vocabulary, he played coy. “Max, what does the word ‘obey’ mean?” He grinned and replied, “I’ve never heard that word before in my life.”
Speaking of obedience, we recently hired a behavioral coach to support him at school. I hesitated for so long, but having someone in the classroom to help him focus and gently correct his behavior has been wonderful. His coach doesn’t punish him; she simply takes away his rewards and gives him the chance to earn them back by improving. It’s been a game-changer. I’ve been using negative reinforcement all along, and let me tell you, it hasn’t been pretty.
Instead of focusing on levels or test scores, let’s talk about what our kids are actually learning. Yes, my 6 ½-year-old may struggle with reading and speech, but he’s soaking up knowledge about the world. He’s getting the big picture.
Max might not be able to spell “Venezuela,” but he can tell you all about it. This shy, sometimes socially awkward introvert recently got on stage and sang two songs in Spanish in front of an audience! He’s incredible at climbing trees and is totally captivated by math, science, and engineering—definitely a different path than mine. Lately, I’m most proud of how he’s learning to be kind and empathetic, getting along with others regardless of their background. That’s something worth celebrating!
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Summary
The pressures on kindergartners are intense, with expectations often set too high. Parents should focus on the holistic development of their children rather than comparing them to others. Every child learns at their own pace, and what truly matters are the life skills they acquire along the way.