Navigating parenthood can be a challenging journey, filled with unexpected twists and turns. As someone with a decade of experience in parenting, I can attest to the beauty and complexity of this role. Part of being a good parent is adapting to our children’s evolving emotions, behaviors, and identities. While we can establish boundaries, we cannot control our children; they are unique individuals with their own personalities and dreams.
Among the many surprises I’ve faced as a parent, supporting my transgender daughter during her transition has been one of the most fulfilling experiences. The primary objective of any parent is to ensure their child’s safety and happiness. If your child is transgender or exploring their gender identity, that goal remains unchanged. Supporting transgender youth may come with its own fears and mistakes, but it is a vital part of our role as caregivers.
Listen and Follow Their Lead
When your child shares their feelings about their gender identity, it’s crucial to listen without judgment. Resist the urge to react defensively or bombard them with questions. Instead, express your gratitude for their trust in you and assure them of your love and commitment to learning. Your child may also be in the process of understanding their identity, and that’s perfectly normal. Children who consistently assert a gender identity different from the one assigned at birth may be transgender. It’s important to have the patience to follow their lead and help them explore who they are. Consider introducing gender-diverse books or connecting them with local or online groups for transgender youth.
Check In
Being a kid can be difficult, and being a transgender kid presents unique challenges. It takes immense courage to be one’s true self in environments where others may only recognize their previous identity. Bullying and anti-transgender laws can severely impact the well-being of transgender youth. According to The Trevor Project’s 2021 survey, transgender and nonbinary youth face higher risks of depression and self-harm. However, when their pronouns are respected, the rate of suicide attempts decreases significantly. Your child’s mental health should be your top priority. Regularly check in with them to see if they feel comfortable discussing any troubling thoughts or emotions. Sometimes, they may prefer to talk to someone outside the family, which is okay. The key is to ensure they have a safe space to express themselves.
Get Support from Other Parents of Transgender Youth
Your child’s gender identity is not a reflection of you, though it may deeply affect your relationship. Adjusting how you refer to your child is an act of love, not a loss of your own identity. You may experience grief over the expectations you had, but remember that your child is still the same person you love. Focus on their needs rather than your own, which is essential for nurturing their confidence and trust.
Don’t neglect your own needs—reach out to other parents of transgender kids to share experiences and seek advice. A therapist or family doctor can also provide valuable support. It’s okay to express your feelings of confusion or concern, but do so away from your child. They should not bear the weight of your emotions; instead, your responsibility is to keep their needs at the forefront while you seek support elsewhere.
Educate Yourself
You might feel compelled to ask your child numerous questions about their gender identity, but this can stem from denial or confusion. Remember that questioning their feelings is akin to asking a cisgender person to justify their gender. Focus on understanding their experience rather than interrogating them about it. There are numerous resources available, including books and documentaries, that can enhance your understanding of transgender issues.
Additionally, familiarize yourself with the policies in your child’s school that protect their rights and safety. Research your state’s regulations regarding the updating of legal documents to reflect your child’s correct name and gender. Collaborate with supportive pediatricians and therapists to understand any medical aspects of your child’s transition, such as hormone therapies or potential surgeries.
The more informed you become, the more effectively you can support your child without placing the emotional burden on them.
Practice
As you strive to support your child, mistakes will happen. Apologize when necessary, but keep making the effort. Practicing the use of their new pronouns and name shows your commitment to their identity. While it’s important not to make excuses, demonstrating your efforts in front of them can be encouraging.
Be Their Ally and Advocate for Transgender Youth
Be prepared for confrontation. Whether correcting others who misgender your child, setting boundaries with family, advocating for inclusive school policies, or standing against anti-transgender legislation, your role as an advocate is crucial. Transgender youth must see adults fighting for them, reinforcing that they are not alone. Sometimes, you may need to distance yourself from friends or family who do not respect your child, as creating a zero-tolerance policy for bigotry can significantly improve your child’s chances of thriving.
Parenting can be arduous, but raising a transgender or nonbinary child can also be a profound gift. While challenges may arise from ignorance or prejudice, the journey can be incredibly rewarding.
In summary, supporting transgender youth involves listening without judgment, prioritizing mental health, seeking support from other parents, educating yourself, practicing affirming language, and advocating for their rights. Each step you take strengthens your relationship and fosters a safe environment for your child.
For those interested in family building, resources like Vegas Pregnancy offer free sperm donor matching services, while Make a Mom provides unique at-home insemination options. To understand the process better, you can read about how it works here. To explore further topics related to family building, check out this post on nursing supplementers and learn about giardia through Modern Family Blog. For insights on what to expect during your first IUI, refer to this helpful guide from Parents.