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The Hidden Struggles of Gifted Kids
I could see the nervousness in his shuffle, as he kicked the dirt beneath his sneakers while eyeing a group of kids playing on the jungle gym. “Do you think they’ll let me join?” he asked, his voice a mixture of eagerness and uncertainty.
“I’m sure they’d love to play with you!” I encouraged, giving him a gentle squeeze. “Why not give it a try?”
He hesitated at first, but soon his excitement took over, and he made his way toward the group. I watched anxiously, hoping this time he would blend in, despite knowing deep down that it might not turn out well. My son, full of energy and curiosity, was only five, but he was anything but your average kindergartener. When he approached the kids and exclaimed, “Let’s pretend to be carnivorous plants!” I braced myself for what I knew would come next.
He launched into an animated description of Venus flytraps and pitcher plants, using his hands to illustrate his points. “I’ll be a Venus flytrap and you can be a pitcher plant — insects are attracted to their peristome, and then they slip into the pitcher and are dissolved by digestive enzymes!”
Just like that, I could see their interest fade. The kids awkwardly pulled away, leaving my son’s excitement to fizzle out, his face falling in disappointment. Here he came, shuffling back to me, and I had to remind myself to remain calm.
“They didn’t want to play that,” he said quietly, his eyes welling up. My heart sank, just as it had on so many occasions before. My bright little boy, who could articulate “ludicrous” at the proper time, still struggled with basic things like tying his shoelaces. I couldn’t help but think that his gifted intellect sometimes felt more like a burden than a blessing, isolating him from peers who didn’t quite understand him.
Like any concerned parent, I turned to the internet for advice, but I didn’t want to wade through clinical jargon like “asynchronous development” or “advanced cognitive awareness.” I was just a mom looking for other moms who understood.
I frantically searched “gifted son having social difficulties” and stumbled upon a parenting forum. A mom posed a question that mirrored my own concerns about her son struggling to fit in. I was relieved to see numerous responses, but as I scrolled through, I was disheartened to find them filled with judgment.
“Oh, poor you with your gifted child,” sneered one commenter. “Your life must be so tough. Try walking in my shoes with my nonverbal autistic son.”
Another chimed in, “I’m so tired of people acting like their gifted kids have real issues just to brag.”
This was my first taste of the dismissive attitude that often surrounds the challenges gifted children face, and unfortunately, it wasn’t the last. Now that my son is in middle school, we’ve encountered this misunderstanding repeatedly. Society seems to hold a flawed belief that gifted children are free from problems. Just because they excel in some areas doesn’t mean they aren’t struggling in others (enter the term “twice-exceptional” — referring to gifted kids with significant learning challenges).
Gifted kids have their own set of quirks and hurdles to overcome, often battling perfectionism and anxiety that can take a toll on their emotional and physical well-being. These struggles are real and painful for any parent to witness. Unfortunately, the “gifted” label can sometimes overshadow their difficulties, as if their talents should somehow negate any challenges they face.
It’s akin to saying a star athlete must also ace every academic subject and be the life of the party. If they stumble in one area, no one would exclaim, “How can you struggle with math? You’re amazing at sports!”
Being gifted doesn’t equate to being superb at everything. Gifted children are just as prone to facing legitimate problems as any other child, and their parents deserve the same understanding and support as those of children with disabilities or other challenges. No matter the label, every parent wants to help their child navigate life’s obstacles.
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In summary, gifted children face unique challenges that often go unrecognized. Their abilities can sometimes obscure their struggles, leading to misconceptions about their experiences. Just like every child, they need understanding and support, not judgment.