Updated: Jan. 11, 2021
Originally Published: March 2, 2017
When you share your space with kids, you’re signing up for a life filled with chaos and calamity. It’s a truth universally acknowledged: if you cherish an item, your little ones will find a way to wreck it. As parents, we can never underestimate their knack for destruction. Every time we think we’ve seen it all, they find a new way to surprise us (not in a good way).
The witty parents of Twitter get the struggle of sticky surfaces and the constant threat of having their belongings obliterated. Let their humor lift your spirits as you survey the aftermath of another day as a parent. Welcome to the wild ride of parenthood—better grab that mop!
1. The Only Rules They Follow
Saying “I have kids” is like declaring, “everything I own is either stained, broken, or completely ruined.” Those are the terms of the agreement.
2. Please, Not the Clean Floor!
No one guards a freshly vacuumed house like a parent. Seriously, it’s a full-time job.
3. Destruction Mode: Activated
Kids are like ninjas when it comes to havoc. “Hide the Barbies and Pokemon cards, here comes Mom!”
4. Let’s Have a Chat, Buddy
Parents could easily be cast as profilers on Criminal Minds after a few years of toddler negotiations.
5. Yep, That’s Fine
As long as it’s buttered spaghetti and not marinara, we can all breathe a little easier.
6. Built-In Mess Makers
Messy hands? It’s a standard feature of every child you bring into this world!
7. Creatively Destructive
This is precisely why we can’t have nice things, but I’ve got to hand it to them for creativity.
8. It’s a Race
Honestly, the difference between a kid and a tornado? Not much, other than the speed of destruction.
9. Against All Odds
You think, “There’s no way my kids could ruin this.” And then they say, “Hold my juice box.”
10. Almost Forgot
It’s amazing how kid chaos can resemble a scene from a burglary.
11. Sounds About Right
Cleaning while your kids are still around is like shoveling snow while it’s still falling. Except way stickier.
12. Thanks for That, Champ
Internal screams are the new normal when you see the mess they’ve created.
This article was originally shared on March 2, 2017. If you want more chuckles and relatability, check out one of our other blog posts here. And for authoritative insights on home insemination, visit Make a Mom. For more on pregnancy, you can find excellent resources at Healthline.
In summary, living with children guarantees a whirlwind of messes and mayhem, often leaving parents with little more than laughter to cope with the chaos. From the constant wear and tear on belongings to the amusingly creative ways kids find to wreak havoc, these funny tweets perfectly capture the bittersweet reality of parenting.