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Feeling Lost Now That My Kids Need Me Less
Back in high school and college, I was a pro at doing absolutely nothing. Naps? Yes, please! Lounging around, snacking, chatting on the phone, and binge-watching MTV were my specialties. I could easily spend half an hour just gazing out the window, and honestly, it was an art form I had mastered. The idea of being constantly busy held no appeal for me.
Then adulthood hit. I got a job and the pressure to behave like a responsible adult meant waving goodbye to my beloved naps. Sure, I still enjoyed my downtime, often spending the next day recovering from a night of fun by doing absolutely nothing, and I relished it. I never felt bad for being “unproductive,” nor did I crave more busyness. My life was full enough, and multitasking seemed like a foreign concept reserved for those who thrived on chaos.
Enter motherhood, and suddenly, I was thrust into the busy lane. Keeping tiny humans alive is the ultimate full-time job. Multitasking became second nature; I quickly learned that to get anything done, I had to juggle multiple tasks simultaneously. Each night, I’d lay in bed, mentally preparing for the next day instead of relaxing. I’d tell myself I could make a mental checklist while winding down, but inevitably, I’d find myself wide awake hours later, unable to switch off my racing thoughts.
And let’s not forget the mental chaos. After becoming a mom, I realized it was nearly impossible to immerse myself in anything—be it a book, a call, or even lunch—without my thoughts drifting back to my kids. Even when they were asleep, I was busy thinking about the next chore I should tackle. This constant urge to be productive became exhausting, leaving little room for any actual relaxation. It’s like I became addicted to being busy, and let me tell you, that is a real struggle.
Having three kids in a short span meant my life was a whirlwind of activities. It took me years to adapt to this new reality, and I eventually became accustomed to the chaos. Now, doing multiple things at once has become my default mode. Give me ten tasks, and I’ll handle them all. Ask me to focus on just one, though? Forget it—my mind wanders off like it’s on vacation.
As my kids grow older and require less hands-on care, I find myself feeling a bit adrift. The quiet moments, once a welcome escape, now feel uncomfortable. I hate to admit it, but I think I’ve forgotten how to just “be.” When my kids are off playing or spending nights away, I realize I’ve conditioned myself to fill every moment with tasks. I find myself mindlessly turning on the TV while making grocery lists, folding laundry, and scrolling through social media. I’ve become a master at creating my own busyness, and it’s frustrating.
Maybe it’s time for me to practice the art of relaxation again. It took years to adjust to this hectic lifestyle, so perhaps I’ll need just as long to unwind. I could start with a nap—but only after I schedule that vet appointment and check out that recipe my friend sent me. Oh, and laundry awaits, too. Yes, once I tackle all that, then I might remember how to chill out again.
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Summary:
As children grow more independent, many parents grapple with feelings of lost purpose. The transition from constant busyness to moments of stillness can feel disorienting, leading to a struggle in learning how to relax and be present without filling every moment with tasks. Finding ways to embrace quieter times can be a challenge, but it’s essential for mental well-being.