You’ve probably heard about attachment parenting, authoritative parenting, and holistic parenting. But no matter your approach, by the time your child hits their teen years, it’s likely time to reassess your strategy. Enter the concept of ‘potted plant’ parenting.
Yes, you read that right: to connect with your teen, channel your inner house plant. According to a recent article by Jenna Lark, author of Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions Into Adulthood, what teenagers crave most from us is simply our presence—much like a steadfast plant. Remember, plants don’t move around, don’t seek the spotlight, and definitely don’t engage in conversation. Unless you’re in possession of your own personal tree whisperer, you’ll need to learn the art of being quiet and just hanging out.
Picture yourself as a potted plant: blend into the background, spare your teen from probing questions, and avoid unsolicited advice. Don’t overload them with reminders about upcoming deadlines (you’ll still get the blame when those are missed!).
Navigating the world of parenting is no picnic at any stage, but the teenage years can feel like an emotional rollercoaster. My daughter is now at an age where she’s more self-sufficient—managing her schedule, arranging rides to activities, and even cooking her own meals. The only time she truly seeks me out is for the Wi-Fi password or to check in on Amazon Prime deals. For those of us still caring for younger kids (I also have a 5-year-old), this newfound independence is a welcome break. However, it can also lead to less quality time together, especially when my daughter prefers chatting with her friends over sharing her day with me. Often, I’m left with a jumble of unexpressed thoughts as she dashes out of the room or retreats to her space.
This shift in our relationship is a bit disconcerting. We’ve always had a solid bond, full of laughter and open conversations about everything from social outings to her wild dreams of becoming an astronaut. But now, my inquiries are often answered with a grunt or a one-word reply. I understand it’s typical for teens to seek independence, but that doesn’t make it any easier to adapt to. Resisting the urge to fill the silence is tough—especially for someone who loves to talk like I do. But if I want to maintain that connection, it might be time to take a step back and let my roots grow deeper.
Jenna points out that studies show that simply being physically present offers benefits beyond emotional closeness. Those moments when I’m in the kitchen preparing dinner while she flits between her room and the fridge might be more valuable than I realize. Who knows what kind of meaningful exchanges might arise over her favorite bagel? In the realm of parenting teens, sometimes just being there is enough.
As a stay-at-home mom, I have the luxury of being more present than parents who work full-time. But research indicates that virtual presence can also make a difference. Texts, social media, and FaceTime are great ways to stay connected. I’ve even been known to send my daughter a text from just down the hall—because let’s be honest, she’s more likely to reply that way. Whether it’s an hour or several, every moment spent nearby creates opportunities for connection. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to quietly settle into my corner and hope someone remembers to water me!
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In summary, navigating the teenage years can be tricky, but adopting a ‘potted plant’ approach—staying present without hovering—can help maintain connections with your teen.