During a recent weekend getaway with friends, one of my pals, a stay-at-home mom named Lisa, mentioned that her teenage kids often make their own breakfast. I would say she “confessed,” but that implies a hint of shame, which she definitely lacked. This revelation quickly became the hot topic of our weekend, sparking a lively debate about her morning routine. Some friends were horrified at the thought: How could she not prepare breakfast for her kids? (Gasp!) And she wasn’t even in a rush to leave the house! (Gasp again!) What could she possibly be doing while they fed themselves? (Answer: enjoying a leisurely moment with the newspaper or checking emails.)
I found myself questioning why we were being so judgmental. We’ve been friends for over 30 years, and we all know Lisa is a fantastic mom raising wonderful kids. She has solid reasons for her approach: she aims to instill independence and self-sufficiency in her children, ensuring they grow up strong and unentitled. Like many parents, she feels grateful for what she provides and wants to avoid spoiling them. After all, they are quite capable of pouring their own cereal or scrambling eggs, right? Yet, she still faced criticism, especially since she was home with them. Wasn’t that her job?
My kids, aged 6, 8, and 9, also help out around the house. They tidy their rooms, clear the table, and put away their laundry (though it’s usually a bit messy). I give them chores to teach them about contributing to our family. So, I wasn’t one of those who gasped in disbelief.
But if I’m honest, I have often judged my stay-at-home mom friends in the past. I can recall many girls’ nights listening to them complain about how “rough” their lives were. They grumbled about running kids around, juggling homework, sports, and activities — blah, blah, blah. As I listened, I would roll my eyes internally, thinking, “I do all that, and I work full-time. What do you have to complain about? I’m taking calls while driving to work and racing to my kids’ soccer games. You’re not the only one juggling a busy schedule!”
I often thought all moms had similar responsibilities—laundry, dinner prep, helping with homework, and getting kids bathed. But I also had a demanding job that required at least 50 hours a week. How could they claim to have it tougher when they only had one job, while those of us working outside the home effectively had two?
Then, the unexpected happened: I became a stay-at-home mom myself. A few months ago, I stepped back from my job due to health reasons, and now I’m home all day, often alone with just the dog for company. From 8 a.m. to 3 p.m., it’s just the two of us. Surprisingly, we’ve found plenty to keep ourselves busy.
To those friends I once rolled my eyes at: I get it now. And I apologize. There is so much to do every day. While my situation isn’t the typical stay-at-home mom scenario (focusing on my health is my main job), I now find my hours filled with laundry, cleaning, scheduling doctor appointments, and volunteering at school—the list goes on.
I often recall how I managed all of this while working full-time, and honestly, it’s a blur. I know I did it, but how? Now, I can’t imagine juggling both again.
I’ve discovered that being “just a stay-at-home mom” is both exhausting and rewarding. I cherish putting my kids on the bus each morning and being there to greet them when they return home. I can sense their mood by the way they carry their backpacks.
My new role includes being the homework supervisor, snack provider, and taxi driver. However, I’d like to clear up some common misconceptions (mostly spread by my kids) about stay-at-home moms. Believe it or not, I don’t binge-watch Netflix on their iPads all day (not part of a devious plan to drain their batteries), nor do I spend my time sleeping. And I’m pretty sure bonbons are a thing of the past.
I’m fortunate—I’ve experienced it all. By “having it all,” I mean the chance to pursue a career I loved alongside this time to focus on my family. I appreciate being more present for my health and my kids. However, I still miss my career and the work I was passionate about. I even sometimes long for those days when I dressed up for work (though I must admit yoga pants are super comfy, even if they aren’t exactly stylish). I occasionally find myself reminiscing about the challenge of balancing everything.
What I’ve learned is that whether I’m working or staying at home, I’m still a wonderfully imperfect mom. Some days, I’m on top of my game. Just the other day, the sun peeked through our dreary winter clouds, and the kids played outside for hours (no screens involved). I prepared fresh veggies for them to snack on (no junk food today, friends!), and bedtime was smooth, filled with snuggles and stories—I didn’t raise my voice once all day. Yep, that’s right. Not once!
Then came the next day. My youngest got off the bus in tears over a minor kindergarten issue. The veggies had been polished off the day before, so they dove into the snack drawer immediately (Oreos can be quite comforting when someone doesn’t share crayons!). They reached for their devices as soon as homework was finished (okay, probably even before, but I have some rules!). And that glorious non-yelling streak? It only lasted one day. Oh, and despite me being home with her, my older daughter announced, “Daddy is the nice one.”
Having experienced both roles, I can honestly say whether you’re working outside the home or navigating life in the car, we’re all doing our best. Most of us probably think we’re messing it up more than we ever thought possible. So let’s stop assuming the grass is greener on the other side. And please, let’s stop judging one another.
For more insights on parenting, check out this post on home insemination strategies and the excellent resource about pregnancy and home insemination from Healthline. If you’re looking for the best home insemination kits, visit Make a Mom.
In summary, regardless of whether we work or stay at home, we all face unique challenges and triumphs in our parenting journeys. Let’s support one another instead of judging.