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The Honor Roll? Not My Priority
Every few months—once in the fall, once in the spring, and at the end of the school year—a hefty, sealed envelope makes its way home in my kids’ backpacks: the infamous report card. It’s the only time I actually remember to dig through their bags, and when I do, I tear that envelope open with the kind of urgency that would make a kid on Christmas morning proud, paper cuts be darned! I skim through the initial pages, tossing them aside like yesterday’s news until I hit the good stuff.
The back page features a comment section where teachers give their take on my kiddos. That’s the gold I’m after! I read those paragraphs with intention, focusing on how my kids act in class, how they interact with their peers, and whether they show respect to their teachers. Frankly, the letter grades? They don’t matter much to me. What I really care about is the kind of people my children are becoming.
Take my oldest child, Max, who’s now in fourth grade. My partner, Jake, and I have spent countless hours squished into tiny chairs at parent-teacher conferences discussing their progress—academically and otherwise. Yet, each time, I find myself wanting to skip the nitty-gritty of academic performance and jump straight to the heart of the matter.
You see, I’m far more interested in whether Max’s little brother, Leo, is making friends on the playground than I am in how many math problems he can solve. Questions like: Are they being kind? Do they invite new kids to join in games at recess? Are they celebrating their classmates’ achievements? These are the inquiries I’m interested in, not the grades on a paper.
Of course, I want to make sure they’re on the right academic path. If they’re struggling, I want to know so we can work together—my partner, my kids, and their teachers—to help them get back on track. I certainly want them to understand the value of hard work and to grasp subjects like math, language, and science. But let’s be real: good grades don’t always equate to being a good human. Tests and scores are just markers; they don’t tell the whole tale.
Even if they did, I still wouldn’t lose sleep over it because I’m focused on raising kind, compassionate individuals rather than just good students. Call me relaxed, but I don’t spend my evenings quizzing them on math facts or keeping tabs on their reading logs. Instead, I ask them, “Who did you show kindness to today?” and “Who was kind to you?” These are the moments I treasure. Did they make someone smile or feel special? Those are the true measures of character.
Now, let me be clear: I don’t want my children to lag academically, and I’m all for ensuring they grasp the material. But when it comes to grades, I’m perfectly content with them being “average.” It’s in the areas of friendship, teamwork, kindness, and generosity where I hope they truly shine.
Before Max embarked on his first-grade journey, I penned him a letter sharing three secrets. First, I told him that superheroes exist not just in storybooks; they often stand at the front of the classroom each morning—teachers are superheroes! Secondly, I mentioned that when life gets tough—and it will—taking a few deep breaths can make things a bit easier. And the most crucial secret? “You are the magic,” I told him. “Just be the best version of yourself.”
When he embodies his best self—working hard, being brave, and showing kindness—he can sprinkle that magic everywhere. We all can!
So yes, I want my kids to study and put in the effort. I hope they earn decent grades, but what truly matters to me is whether they’re spreading kindness, friendship, and generosity throughout their classrooms and the world. If they’re doing that, they’re on the highest honor roll in my book.
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Summary:
This article discusses the importance of character over academic performance in parenting, emphasizing that kindness, compassion, and friendship should take precedence over grades. The author shares personal anecdotes about their children’s schooling experiences, illustrating a focus on raising good human beings rather than just good students.
