When my kids were little, deciding who they could be friends with was a piece of cake: just make sure they weren’t biters and that I got along with their mom. As long as we could avoid any playground chompers and I didn’t have to deal with a judgmental parent eyeing my laundry situation, playdates were a walk in the park.
This method worked like a charm for years! I even formed some of my dearest friendships in the preschool pickup line. Watching my children build wonderful friendships brought me so much joy, and our home was often filled with laughter, gaming, and outdoor fun. Generally speaking, I’ve been lucky—most of their friends have been respectful and kind.
But now that my son, Jake, is a teenager, I’m feeling like I’ve entered unfamiliar territory. He’s started dating, and I’ve been taken aback by how little say I have over who he chooses to take to the movies on a Friday night. As the saying goes, the heart wants what it wants, and as I watch my firstborn navigate the complexities of dating in the age of social media, I realize my opinion isn’t always his top priority when he’s texting a girl.
Keeping my mouth shut about his dating choices has been a challenge. Those days of just sizing up a mom in the preschool line feel like a distant memory. Learning to let my kids make their own decisions about romantic partners has been a wild ride. I wasn’t prepared for the anxiety that comes with wondering if my son will face heartbreak or the need to maintain a calm demeanor when he mentions he wants to date someone from a less-than-ideal crowd. And let’s not even get started on the secretive nature of modern teenage dating. Today, kids prefer texting over long phone chats, making eavesdropping nearly impossible—unlike when I was a teen, and my mom had her ear glued to the other phone line (yes, I caught on, Mom!).
It’s infuriating, and I honestly didn’t expect to feel this way so soon.
However, I refuse to stay silent about my opinions on his dating life. In fact, I’ve been quite vocal when he shares whom he’s interested in because I believe it’s my responsibility to help him understand the implications of his choices, especially when he’s sharing frozen yogurt with a new girl. It’s crucial for him to approach dating seriously. While the odds of him marrying someone he meets at 14 are slim, I still want him to be thoughtful and cautious with his heart.
I want him to grasp that dating can be tough, that even adults struggle to find the right partnership. He should be kind, practical, and loving. It’s a unique feeling to experience first love, and I want him to understand that when a girl says no, that means no—always, no exceptions.
I also want him to recognize that some girls might feel pressured to perform sexual favors to gain his affection. I want him to have the confidence to say, “Let’s take our time. You don’t have to do anything you’re uncomfortable with, now or ever.”
It’s important for him to value real conversations over texting, and I want him to feel encouraged to bring his girlfriends home to see how we interact as a family. After all, dating is filled with ups and downs, and one day, he’ll meet someone who loves all of him—even his obsession with Star Wars.
I want him to know he can be himself and that it’s perfectly fine to be attracted to the smart girl, the quirky girl, or the one who can hold her own in a debate. Jealousy, yelling, and explosive anger are not okay, and I expect him to avoid those behaviors as well.
Above all, I want him to feel secure in the love he has for his father and me. I trust that he isn’t trying to replace us or push us away. It’s completely normal to feel a desire to kiss a girl and have deep feelings for her.
I won’t stop sharing my thoughts with him. Because one day, when he stands at the altar next to the woman he chooses to spend his life with, I want him to turn to me and say, “Mom, she’s the one,” and I’ll respond with a smile, “I knew it.”
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In summary, as a parent, I have strong feelings about who my son dates, and I won’t shy away from sharing my insights. My goal is to help him navigate the complexities of young love while ensuring he understands the importance of respect, communication, and being true to oneself.