My 7-Year-Old Daughter Posed the Ultimate Question: “Mom, Why Do Girls Always Have to Look Good?”

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My daughter, only 7, recently hit me with a thought-provoking question: why do girls always feel the need to look good? She notices how much time I spend prepping to leave the house compared to her dad, and she sees me stressing over my hair, clothes, and overall appearance. With all the movies and TV shows out there showcasing girls fussing more about their looks than boys do, it’s no wonder she’s curious.

It struck me hard, and honestly, I didn’t know how to answer her. Should I explain that our society tends to judge women primarily based on their looks? Sure, it’s true, but do I really want her thinking like that at such a young age? I want her to believe people will value her for her achievements, smarts, and character instead.

Images are incredibly impactful—sometimes more than we realize. Throughout our day, we encounter thousands of them, whether we’re scrolling through social media or flipping through a magazine. Many of these images are designed to influence us on a subconscious level. So, it’s crucial to consider what messages both my kids and I are absorbing from these visuals.

At 7, my imaginative, free-spirited daughter pays little mind to primping. While I appreciate her carefree attitude, I had to confront my own obsession with appearance first. She loathes brushing her hair and coordinating outfits, often emerging from her room in ensembles that would make Pippi Longstocking proud—think mismatched floral patterns, stripes, and plaid, complete with superhero socks over leggings and a frilly dress on top.

“Why can’t I wear this?” she insists with determination, and deep down, she knows what my answer will be. Our little back-and-forth often leads to dramatic pouts, stomps, and raised arms.

But the other day, I broke the mold and told her to wear whatever she wanted. Her smile lit up the kitchen, and I could tell she felt fantastic. In that moment, I realized I need to encourage her to break free from gender stereotypes and create more moments like that.

Girls face immense pressure to behave, look, and think a certain way (and yes, boys do too). Don’t be too loud or too quiet. Don’t be too provocative, but don’t be a prude. Be confident, yet humble. Be smart, but not too smart. Be thin, but not too thin. Look stylish. Be pretty. The underlying message is clear: girls should be anything but themselves.

It’s no surprise that many girls struggle with body image issues and, in severe cases, develop eating disorders. I’m particularly sensitive to this topic due to my own past struggles with an eating disorder during my teenage years. Alarmingly, a staggering 42% of girls in grades one through three wish to be thinner, highlighting a significant societal issue.

A 2006 study featured in Science Daily revealed that even without an eating disorder, body image concerns can be distressing for teens, consuming mental energy and diminishing their quality of life. Reflecting on the hours I wasted worrying about my appearance, I’m determined to ensure my daughter doesn’t face the same fate.

So, what’s a parent to do? I recently discovered the work of photographer Lily Monroe, who emphasizes that simply discussing how magazine images are photoshopped isn’t enough. We need to change the images themselves and provide my daughter with better role models in the media and at home.

Monroe’s project-turned-book, Strong Is the New Beautiful: A Celebration of Girls Being Themselves, aims to redefine beauty through photos of girls engaging in their passions. Unlike typical advertising images that feature painfully thin models, she captures girls experiencing genuine emotions—joy, determination, frustration—making her images relatable and stunning.

Our society’s fixation on girls and their looks extends beyond distorting body image. A recent study published in Science and highlighted in The Washington Post indicates that girls as young as six start to perceive themselves as less intelligent than boys. The article also mentions that Google searches related to boys focus on intelligence, while searches for girls revolve around appearance. It’s disheartening, and I wish parents would show just as much interest in their daughters’ intellect as they do in their sons’.

I still haven’t answered my daughter’s question, but I plan to have that conversation soon. I’ll share Monroe’s book with her, guiding her through the empowering images. I’ll also show her magazine ads and help her critically analyze them.

If I want her to avoid becoming one of the 42% of girls who want to be thinner, she’ll need a solid understanding of media literacy. We might even join a media advocacy group like the Campaign for a Commercial Free Childhood. Yet, despite these efforts, I can’t help but wonder if it will be enough to keep her resilient through her teenage years—I know how tough it can be firsthand.

We can talk all we want about combating negative media portrayals, but let’s be honest: an image is worth a thousand words.

In summary, I aim to empower my daughter to embrace her true self while navigating a world that often pressures girls to conform to unrealistic beauty standards. By fostering media literacy and encouraging self-expression, I hope to cultivate a healthy self-image.