Saying “just relax” is not only unhelpful, it’s downright misleading.
How often have you heard a woman struggling to conceive told to “just relax” or “stop stressing”? Perhaps you even recall that one couple who “forgot” about their fertility challenges and suddenly became parents. Spoiler alert: that couple is a figment of myth, because simply de-stressing doesn’t magically resolve fertility challenges.
According to a recent article in New York Magazine, connecting stress with infertility is not only bad science but also terrible advice. Yes, stress can play a role in fertility issues, but it’s far from the only factor at play. “Stress alone is unlikely to be the sole cause of infertility,” writes Olivia Smith. Even if you’re the epitome of zen, it might not be enough to solve your conception struggles.
So, why do we keep hearing this outdated advice? The roots of telling women to “relax” are steeped in historical sexism, where a woman’s ability to conceive was often linked to her mental state. Back in the fifth century B.C., it was suggested that a woman’s “hysteria” made her infertile. Shocking, right? This stigma persists in our modern society, despite having no scientific backing.
“You could be lounging on a beach in Hawaii and still not conceive,” says Dr. Mia Chen, a fertility specialist. Her own battles with infertility led her to advocate for better understanding in this field. She emphasizes that while relaxing can be beneficial, it’s not a substitute for medical help. “Telling someone with diabetes to just chill out won’t fix their blood sugar issues,” Dr. Chen explains. There are various medical conditions like Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) and endometriosis that can complicate conception. For instance, endometriosis can obstruct fallopian tubes—no amount of meditation is going to fix that.
I know this all too well; I struggled with endometriosis for years, convinced pregnancy would never be in the cards for me. After undergoing laparoscopic surgery for my condition, I was able to conceive almost immediately. Did I need more relaxation in my life? Absolutely! But merely chilling out wasn’t going to clear up my medical issues.
Dr. Chen also expresses concern that this “just relax” mentality may lead women to postpone necessary medical interventions like hormone treatments or IVF. “Relaxation is great, but it should come alongside medical assistance, not instead of it.”
It’s crucial to recognize that infertility is often a shared experience between partners. “We need to shift the narrative surrounding fertility struggles to emphasize that both partners are impacted,” Dr. Chen points out. If infertility can stem from either partner, why don’t we ever hear anyone telling men to “just relax”? Exactly.
Ultimately, it’s vital for women experiencing fertility challenges—and their support systems—to understand that these issues are rooted in more than just stress. Relaxing is beneficial, but it shouldn’t overshadow the importance of seeking medical advice or treatment. For more insights on navigating fertility, you might find this resource from March of Dimes helpful in your journey.
In summary, let’s put an end to the outdated notion that women trying to conceive just need to chill out. Infertility is a complex issue that requires medical attention and understanding, not dismissive platitudes.