You might think that with just a 355-day age difference between my kids, they’d see each other as equals instead of the classic older sister and younger brother dynamic. That’s certainly what I figured, at least for the first few years. However, I soon discovered that my daughter takes her big sister role very seriously—way too seriously, in fact.
When my son entered the notorious “terrible twos” and took a tumble, I would do what any reasonable parent would do: dash over to him, check for injuries, comfort him until the tears subsided, and then we’d get back to our day. My daughter, on the other hand, turned into a mini-mommy. She would rush to his side with me, then dash off to collect his favorite blanket, pillow, Mickey Mouse doll, sippy cup, and any toys she thought might help. She’d check if he was okay, shower him with hugs and kisses, and stick around until he was ready to wander off again.
It didn’t take long for me to realize that she had a natural nurturing instinct that put me to shame. She genuinely loves caring for others, which is an admirable trait that will serve her well in the future. However, as her brother grew, this maternal instinct became a bit of a problem.
In the beginning, it was all cute and heartwarming. What parent wouldn’t appreciate a little helper who alerts them when the little one is in trouble or brings a snack while you’re busy? With my daughter’s maternal nature and my uncertainty as a mom, we made a pretty good team in keeping an eye on her brother. He was quite the lucky kiddo.
But now that my son is almost four, he’s had enough of having two moms. Honestly, so have I. The days of my daughter bringing him a blanket are long gone, replaced by her echoing my lectures about listening, obeying, and keeping the bathwater where it belongs. So instead of one talk, my son now gets two. He’s fed up with the double dose of nagging, and I can’t say I blame him.
He wants to set some boundaries as a brother, while I’m trying to teach her to focus on herself rather than always looking out for him—something that goes against her very nature. My chats with my son revolve around respect and discipline, while my conversations with my daughter are more about embracing her independence. It’s time for her to enjoy being almost five, and just be his sister, his playmate, and his friend.
Of course, I’m not encouraging them to get into trouble, but I do want them to bond over some silly shenanigans. Building pillow forts or turning their mattresses into slides? That’s the foundation of sibling relationships, in my opinion. They need to create memories and have fun together. I want them to grow up as best friends, and they’re on that path, which warms my heart.
Adjusting to these new roles has been a challenge for all of us. I don’t want my daughter to feel like she has to parent her brother, and I definitely don’t want my son resenting her for it. I’ve been encouraging my daughter to play independently instead of hovering over him, and she’s adapting to giving him space. The one benefitting the most from this shift is my son, who finally has just one mom and one sister. He’s starting to thrive during this transition, and I’m optimistic that we’ll all enjoy our new dynamics in time.
For more insights on parenting and home insemination, check out this post on our other blog. Plus, if you’re interested in learning about artificial insemination, Make a Mom offers great resources. And don’t forget to visit WomensHealth.gov for excellent information on infertility and family planning.
In summary, navigating the sibling relationship between my kids is a delicate balance of nurturing and letting them grow into their roles. By encouraging them to bond as siblings rather than on a parental level, I’m hopeful that they’ll create lasting memories together and build a strong friendship.