If Your Parents Claimed They Didn’t Have a Favorite Child, They Were Definitely Not Being Honest

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I used to be one of those people who wholeheartedly believed in fairy tales. The idea that a jolly old man in a red suit would deliver gifts to my half-Jewish, half-Buddhist family? Sure! And the notion that a fairy would reward me for my lost teeth? Absolutely! Those mean kids who mocked me for playing with dolls in middle school? They were just jealous, right?

So when I asked my mom my favorite question, and she gave me her perfectly reasonable answer, I took it at face value:

“Mom, who’s your favorite?”
“Oh, sweetie, I don’t have a favorite. I love you all the same!”

Ah, such a lovely sentiment! Even though my brother is the only boy and my sister is the “miracle baby,” my mom’s love must’ve meant that I, the middle child, was just as cherished. Hooray for equality!

I would have continued to believe this for decades, blissfully so. After my first child arrived—a spirited little guy—I thought no one could ever take his crown. But if you’re living in a perfect parenting bubble, feel free to skip this next part. I suspect, however, that if your parenting experience was truly that idyllic, you wouldn’t be reading this.

As life would have it, toddlerhood happened. A surprise second pregnancy happened. And suddenly, I found myself with two toddlers under two. That’s when reality hit me like a ton of bricks.

Here’s the truth: My mom wasn’t being honest. Your mom wasn’t either. All moms have favorites, even if it’s not all the time. Sometimes, they might even not like us at all. My mother had her moments, and I suspect yours did too.

Now, don’t panic and call child protective services. I’m not saying one of my kids is locked away like Harry Potter. I don’t have a consistent favorite, but I definitely find that, in certain situations, one child can be more likable than the other. Toddlers can be quite the handful, after all.

Having been a middle school teacher, I can confidently say that kids, in general, can be quite challenging. So when one of my little rascals is running away from me, forcing me into a wrestling match while I try to change his diaper, well, he’s not winning any favorite awards at that moment. Meanwhile, the other one, who’s just picking his nose and rummaging through my wallet? He’s my favorite at that point.

But then, later that same day, when the nose-picker throws a fit about the dinner I prepared—screaming for chicken nuggets instead of the broccoli pasta I made—guess what? The diaper-wrestler gets promoted back to the favorite spot. It’s a chaotic cycle of favoritism based on toddler antics.

In the end, the constant undercurrent of love for my kids is undeniable. There are those moments when I just feel my heart swell with love for them. They can say or do something so sweet that I can’t help but feel blessed. In those instances, favoritism disappears, and there’s just love for all.

But let’s be real; parenting isn’t a nonstop reel of Instagram-perfect moments. It’s a revelation to acknowledge this truth and reflect on our own parents’ experiences. It makes me appreciate my parents even more, because they were great at playing the role of loving liars for years!

But when my little angels ask me if I have a favorite, I’ll keep the charade alive and assure them that I couldn’t possibly choose, because my love for them is equal. And just to be safe, I might delete this post!

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In summary, while parents might claim they don’t have favorites, the reality is that love can fluctuate. Parenting is messy, chaotic, and far from perfect, yet it’s filled with moments of overwhelming love.