I get it; time flies. I understand it could be worse. I acknowledge that every dark cloud has its silver lining. After all, the internet, along with that sweet old lady I met at the grocery store, my neighbor, and the relentlessly cheerful preschool teacher my son had years ago, have been telling me this for ages.
The truth is, I’d like people to stop insisting I should find the bright side in every parenting struggle. I want to tell those empty nesters to stop sighing dreamily as they watch my rambunctious toddler throw a tantrum. Because let’s face it: some days, parenting is just tough, and there isn’t always a silver lining to cling to. We don’t need everyone and their mother reminding us that there’s a sunny side.
I don’t hold it against those perpetually optimistic folks; I’m glad they have rosy memories of parenthood. But those of you who brush off my complaints with comments like, “Cherish every moment! They’ll grow up so fast!” or “Look on the bright side, at least they’re not sick!” need to stop.
Just because we’re not dealing with head lice doesn’t mean we aren’t drowning in frustration. Sometimes I just want to wallow in my feelings for a moment. Yes, tomorrow is a fresh start, and I’m grateful for that. But right now? Let me be annoyed or upset before I pick myself up and move on.
Parenting is no walk in the park, and I want to experience all the emotions—joy, sorrow, and everything in between. Why do we feel compelled to tell parents to suppress their negative feelings? If we want parents to truly appreciate every aspect of raising children, shouldn’t we allow them to feel the bad alongside the good?
I believe we need to experience sadness to recognize joy. I want to feel justified in my anger when my child is throwing a fit and slamming doors. That way, when we hug it out later, I can appreciate the sweetness of forgiveness even more.
I want to cry into my pillow without feeling guilty about wanting to escape to a deserted island. That way, the next day, when my kids are being adorably silly, I can enjoy it more because I’ve processed the tough stuff from the night before.
As a parent, I wouldn’t encourage my kids to hide their feelings or dismiss their disappointments. So why do some people think I should never voice my frustrations as a mom? Why do they act like mothers shouldn’t complain because they’re #soblessed?
Imagine if every time my child felt down, I said, “Look on the bright side! At least you’re not in a war zone!” That would be absurd—and terrible parenting.
That said, I know I could benefit from infusing a little positivity into my life. Here’s the thing: I’m not naturally optimistic; I tend to be a glass-half-empty kind of person. I fight every day to see the silver linings, and I’m aware of my blessings, including the three little ones who came from me.
I struggle with anxiety and depression, but venting can be a cathartic release for all those pent-up emotions. Sometimes it helps to get those feelings off my chest so I can approach my kids with a lighter heart. I love shouting out, “Today is rough!” and hearing my fellow mom friends chime in, “I’m having a tough one, too!” as we find humor in our struggles and remind ourselves we’re not failing our children. Honestly, I believe that allowing myself to feel down for a bit makes me a better mom because I’m showing my kids that it’s okay to have feelings and then bounce back.
Sure, someone always has it worse. I’m incredibly grateful and recognize my privileges. I count my blessings when I can and strive to look ahead as much as possible. So if I want to complain, could you please just let me? And I promise, when I’m an old woman, I won’t wax poetic about how quickly it all goes by.
Instead, I’ll say, “Parenting can be a wild ride, huh? Don’t sweat it. You’re amazing, and you’ll get through it.” Because that’s exactly what I need to hear right now.
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Summary
Parenting can be incredibly challenging, and some days it feels downright overwhelming. While positivity is important, it’s equally vital to allow parents to express their frustrations and feelings without judgment. Embracing the full spectrum of emotions can help create a more balanced perspective and ultimately lead to better parenting, reminding us all that it’s okay to feel the weight of tough days.