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Motherhood: The Challenge Never Eases
“Having babies is a blast, but those babies turn into people.” – Colonel Potter, M*A*S*H, “The Price of Tomato Juice”
As a memoir junkie, I often find myself diving into emotional tales of childhoods shattered by the missteps of parents. These narratives do little to alleviate my own parenting jitters. I can’t help but ponder, what will my grown-up kids reveal to their therapists someday? But then, I give myself a little pat on the back because if they’re seeking therapy, I must have done something right. I’m all about celebrating small victories in this wild parenting journey.
We all know that time is a great teacher, and most professions get easier with experience. Parenting, however, is a different beast. I might have cracked the code for wrangling an infant or a toddler, but just as I get comfortable, the rules seem to shift.
I used to think it was impossible to fathom a day when my kids wouldn’t cling to me 24/7. I longed for the day they could handle their own snacks or take a bath without me hovering. That dream felt distant until the day my kids earned their green bands at the local pool. Suddenly, they could swim without my watchful eye, granting me a taste of freedom. It marked the start of a new adventure.
Now, at ages 9 and 11, my kids are increasingly self-sufficient. They whip up their own snacks, do their laundry, and even tuck themselves in at night. While I cherish the newfound lightness that comes with their independence, I’m also confronted with the weight of guiding them toward adulthood in a world that can be downright scary. They need me to help them navigate love, rejection, loyalty, and determination. The days of worrying about sleep schedules and physical milestones are behind us. The stakes are a lot higher now.
Recently, my husband and I were chuckling over a friend who just welcomed a baby. He quipped, “Yeah, we should totally give parenting advice,” referencing our current struggles with our strong-willed kids. We often joke about how we might need a do-over. But I quickly rebutted him, “We were great back then!” And he nodded in agreement. Even if we didn’t realize it at the time, we were solid parents to infants. I read all the parenting books, managed sleep schedules, and hit every milestone. I was a full-time mom, fully dedicated to our little ones. We were in our groove.
Fast forward to now, and those tiny humans can wipe their own bottoms and make their own lunches. They read to themselves at night and walk into school solo. Sure, they can’t drive yet, but they’re independent in ways that matter.
On a recent teacher workday, my daughter excitedly told me about their “free-range kid day,” where they cooked their own meals and planned their schedules. She beamed with pride over her choices, and I felt a mix of emotions. Isn’t that the goal? To empower them to make responsible decisions? Yet, I can’t shake the feeling of uncertainty about my evolving role.
With my full-time career and personal pursuits, I’m not as hands-on anymore. My job description has expanded to include being a role model. I want to instill a love for learning and healthy relationships in my kids. However, I often feel less like a parenting expert. I miss or overlook one or two school emails a week and frequently forget to register for yet another gymnastics meet. The chaos of their infant years has transformed into the emotional hurdles of their tween years, and I’m not sure I’m fully equipped for this new phase. When I glance at their baby pictures, I miss the days when a simple hug could solve everything.
It’s tempting to romanticize those early years when my only goal was to ensure they were fed, clean, and sleeping. These days, success feels more ambiguous. Are they thriving as students, siblings, teammates, and friends? As their need for basic survival skills diminishes, am I providing what they truly need? I like to think the foundation has been laid. I’m grateful for the time I had to be their everything when they were entirely dependent on me. Now, as they spread their wings and explore the world, I watch them take those brave steps away from the nest.
I may not need to dress or feed them anymore, but I must be emotionally present. Their need for support and understanding is more demanding than diaper changes or midnight feedings ever were. It’s a heavy load of emotional labor, complicated by factors beyond my control. I have to be ready to embrace each new chapter of their lives. Together, we’re crafting our unique story, one page at a time. And I can only hope that one day, my husband and I will look back on this stage and say, “Who knew? We were pretty good at this too!”
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Summary
Motherhood evolves continuously, with challenges morphing from physical care to emotional and intellectual support as children grow. While the early years may seem easier in retrospect, the complexities of guiding children into adulthood are profound. As parents navigate these transitions, they embrace new roles while reminiscing about simpler times. Ultimately, the journey is about growth—both for the children and the parents.