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I Desperately Need a Break from PMS (Perfect Mom Syndrome)
by Jenna Thompson
Updated: March 19, 2023
Originally Published: March 19, 2023
Well, hello there, adult children! Thanks for the visit—and for reminding me of all the parenting blunders I’ve made along the way. Love you more than words can say.
Reflecting on my time in the chaotic battlefield of parenthood, I can confidently say I was a mix of both a fantastic and a not-so-great mom. It’s true; I’m a good-bad mom. Get used to it.
Oh, mothers—bless our weary souls! We are the ones who experience both epic failures and glorious victories, often at the same time. There were days I nailed it as a mom, and others when I felt completely defeated. My collection of good and bad mom stories could easily fill two overflowing baskets.
Many of us struggle to accept that it’s perfectly normal to feel both successful and inadequate as mothers. We often berate ourselves for our perceived shortcomings. Sure, some mistakes are significant, but the majority are minor slip-ups that come with the territory.
Motherhood is essentially a whirlwind of storms and rainbows—filled with imperfect moments and those that are so blissfully perfect they make us want to take a bow in public. While each of our parenting challenges is unique, we’re united by a common aspiration: the desire to be the perfect mom for our children.
We envision ourselves as flawless role models, tireless givers, wise counselors, and intuitive teachers. We picture ourselves as gourmet chefs, nurturing caregivers, and mind readers who always know what our kids need.
This phenomenon is what we’ve dubbed Perfect Mom Syndrome, or PMS for short. Yes, I know it’s a little confusing, but stick with me.
Just as we flip through glossy magazines and envy the unattainable physique of a 15-year-old model, we all seem to harbor an image of the “ideal” mother in our minds—an unrealistic portrayal of how a “good” mother should look and behave.
Despite knowing that motherhood has never been a flawless endeavor, we can’t help but strive for that elusive perfection.
So, what does your ideal mom look like? For me, she’s the epitome of calmness. She’s always patient, never raises her voice, and sticks to her rules unwaveringly, even when she’s exhausted. She wears trendy clothes and has a body that makes those outfits shine.
She prepares delightful, nutritious meals and never lets junk food cross her threshold. Perfect Mom bakes cakes using applesauce instead of butter and offers sage advice without breaking a sweat, even when her teenager asks about birth control or a gigantic panda tattoo.
She’s always on top of things, never lets laundry pile up, and always has milk in the fridge. She’s got math homework down to a science.
When we strive to emulate her, we’re experiencing PMS (you’ll get used to it).
In contrast, a “regular mom” might toss a box of Lunchables into a backpack and call it a day, simply because it’s convenient. A regular mom might serve her kid chips and salsa for dinner or send them off in mismatched socks because laundry is just too daunting.
Regular Mom can be overwhelmed and doesn’t always have all the answers. She may even get frustrated and slam a few things around. Why? Because she’s human, and just like that, we’ve learned that being a “regular mom” doesn’t equate to being a “bad mom.”
I used to believe this, and it nearly consumed me. It’s admirable to want to do right by our kids, but stressing over the little imperfections is a recipe for disaster. PMS sneaks in and makes us feel inadequate, undermining our ultimate goal of raising great human beings.
Here’s the reality: Perfect Mom doesn’t truly exist. Sure, she pops up occasionally, but she’s a major energy drain. When we can’t live up to her unrealistic standards, it impacts our morale.
The truth is, on any given day, we give and take, help and hinder, practice patience and lose our cool. We push on while sometimes wanting to throw in the towel. The same hands that may slam the door in frustration are the ones that cradle a child in love.
The mind that’s ready to quit is also the same one that lies awake at night, fretting over every possible danger that could befall our kids.
We can’t be perfect because children have a knack for bringing out both the best and the worst in us. It’s their superpower. We need to let go of PMS before it ruins our experience of motherhood. It will, if we allow it.
This article was originally published on March 19, 2023.
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Summary:
This article discusses the challenges of motherhood and the unrealistic expectations set by the concept of “Perfect Mom Syndrome” (PMS). It emphasizes the importance of accepting both successes and failures in parenting and highlights the futility of striving for perfection. The narrative encourages mothers to embrace their imperfections and recognize that being a “regular mom” is entirely acceptable.