Hey there, Trump! Here are 16 Things You Should Seriously Consider Banning to Make America Great Again

The recent travel ban targeting individuals from various Muslim-majority countries sparked outrage, and rightly so. The administration claimed it was for our safety, yet so far it’s resulted in the detention of doctors, scientists, grandmothers, and even a 5-year-old child. Honestly, I’m not feeling any safer.

This got me thinking about the real threats to Americans that we have to deal with right here at home. If we’re going to direct our disdain, let’s focus it on the things that truly disrupt our daily lives. My neighbor happens to be Muslim, and she’s never once tried to sell me essential oils or leggings. So, let’s shift our attention to some things that I believe should be banned:

1. The Recorder

Affectionately dubbed “Satan’s whistle,” this instrument incites chaos among children. Do parents everywhere not feel the urge to toss it into the nearest fireplace? Let’s unite and banish this torture device from existence.

2. Daylight Saving Time

Getting the kids ready for school in the dark is not the bright idea it was cracked up to be. The one good thing? My car clock is finally accurate again—at least until the next time we play this game.

3. Over-the-Top Contouring

Ladies, when it comes to makeup, simplicity is key. Stop painting lines all over your faces—you’re not fooling anyone! We can still see your chins. And don’t even get me started on the bushy eyebrows trend; we all suffered through the 90s plucking them into oblivion!

4. Slime

My child has used up all the glue in Texas creating this gooey mess. What’s wrong with just sniffing or eating the glue like we used to? This is a national crisis!

5. “Cash me ousside howbow dah”

Can we please eliminate the “Cash me ousside howbow dah” girl? This is one case where “speak English or leave!” is absolutely warranted. I can’t take another day of hearing that phrase—it’s a form of torture!

6. Truck Nutz

I once encountered a guy at a stoplight with Truck Nutz swinging from his truck while blasting country music. Seriously, is that not a public safety concern?

7. 1-Ply Toilet Paper

This stuff is a crime against my delicate behind. It should be outlawed for its malicious intent. Seriously, it’s un-American!

8. Crocs with Socks

This fashion atrocity hurts my eyes. Seriously, if you’re not Mario Batali, let’s reconsider this look.

9. Fat-Free Cheese

This should be classified as a hate crime against taste buds. Who decided this was a good idea?

10. Clowns

Just… no.

11. Unboxing Videos

What even is this? My daughter is obsessed with watching cake-making tutorials on YouTube, yet she never actually bakes anything. Enough with the torture!

12. White Chocolate

Let’s be real—this isn’t even chocolate! It’s a sad alternative.

13. Dora the Explorer

Is anyone checking Dora’s immigration status? And what about Boots the Monkey? Something seems fishy here.

14. Pineapple on Pizza

Who thought that was a genius idea? I’m pretty sure it was Guy Fieri.

15. Brazilian Waxes

Ripping hair from your body in such a manner is a public safety threat. Newsflash: I’m a grown woman, and I have hair.

16. Blister Packs

Opening these impossible packaging nightmares requires a jackhammer. Seriously, it feels like they were designed by terrorists to frustrate us!

There are definitely more things we could address—saggy pants, Nickelback, and Teen Mom, to name a few. The key takeaway here is that we should channel our collective frustration into the real issues at hand. We’ve managed to unite to eliminate some poor television choices, but we must remain vigilant!

Forget about Muslims; the real threats are right in our backyards. Until we can identify the true terrorism in our midst, our country will never truly be safe.

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Summary:

In this humorous take, we explore 16 things that should be banned for the greater good, focusing on real threats to American life. From the annoyance of the recorder to the absurdity of unboxing videos, let’s shift our attention to what really matters.