Hey Kids, Sometimes You Really Do Want Me to Say ‘No’ — Here’s Why

home insemination Kit

There they were: my three eldest kids, eyes wide with excitement as I scooped icing onto their tongues. This was their treat for managing to smile for a family photo without any drama. Yes, I bribe them, and I’m well past the guilt stage.

As the icing dripped down their chins, they giggled and exclaimed, “You’re the best mom ever!” Their joy was contagious, and I was having a blast too—until I heard my oldest, Jake, say, “No, Mom, seriously! You’re the best! I can’t believe you’re letting us eat icing straight from the can!”

At that moment, my heart sank. While he intended it as a compliment, I suddenly realized he thought this was my way of showing love. His dimples were practically dancing with delight, but it made me reflect on what had happened the night before. I had told him no to something he desperately wanted, and he was furious. Why couldn’t he see that I was just trying to protect him?

Is love really that simple for them? As I watched their laughter, the answer seemed to be a resounding yes.

So, I spent the next day thinking about how I wanted my kids to understand my love. I ended up writing this letter to them (and a little to myself too):

Dear Child,

I want to share a lesson about what makes me a good mom and what makes me a mom who simply wants you to smile for a picture. Here’s the deal: you’re going to hear me say no a lot more than yes. And when I say “no,” I want you to remember that it’s another way of saying, “I love you.”

I know it doesn’t feel that way. It often feels like I’m blocking you from what you want. But you need to understand that I’m actually preventing something that could hurt you. And you know what I care about? YOU.

So yes, you’ll hear me say no—more often than you’d like. You don’t always need to understand my reasoning or agree with my methods. Honestly, it’s not my job to make you understand.

What’s important is that I’m often a better mother when I set limits than when I don’t. Love sometimes means saying no.

Don’t get me wrong; I’ll say yes whenever I can because I love making you happy. But remember, my love isn’t always about your immediate happiness. So, please don’t confuse the two.

And about that icing from last night? A good mom might have said no for your own good—thinking about your dental health, sugar highs, and how they might mess with your sleep. That sweet icing you thought you tasted? That was bribery.

My true love for you is much deeper and richer. Don’t forget it!

Love,
Your Mom Who Will Sometimes Say No