Updated: April 3, 2023
It was a rare moment of self-care when I decided to leave the dishes in the sink and crawl into bed. It was Saturday night, I was utterly wiped out, and the thought of getting up early the next day was daunting. So, I pushed my anxiety aside, slipped into my pajamas, and sank into my pillow. Just when I was about to drift off, I heard the unmistakable sounds of the kitchen sink running and dishes clinking.
My husband is tackling the dishes, I thought. Sounds lovely, right? One would think this would fill me with gratitude for such a supportive partner. He doesn’t wait for me to take the initiative; he just jumps in and gets things done. But instead of feeling thankful, my mind took a different route.
Oh no. He’s definitely not going to load the dishwasher the right way. There’s bound to be all sorts of random items in the silverware tray. The big bowl will probably end up on top. He’s not rinsing the dishes before loading them. Ugh, I’ll have to redo everything in the morning. Why can’t he just leave it?
In case anyone’s curious, I’m not exactly winning any “Wife of the Year” awards anytime soon. As the stay-at-home mom and chief organizer of this household, I struggle with letting anyone do things differently than I would. I’m the one who runs the show, so it’s easy to think my way is the only way. But I’ve come to realize that mindset is completely wrong.
Instead of appreciating my husband’s willingness to help or recognizing my kids for taking on chores without being asked, I find myself following them around like a needy puppy, nitpicking everything they do and then redoing their efforts as soon as they’re out of sight. This behavior isn’t helping anyone—not even me, as it only adds to my exhaustion when I desperately need support.
By hovering over them, I’m inadvertently teaching them that their efforts aren’t good enough, which can be discouraging. I want my family to feel valued and confident, not criticized for folding towels incorrectly or missing a few crumbs on the floor. My frustration only ramps up the tension in our home, and nobody feels happy.
It’s not fair for me to feel like I’m the only one doing the heavy lifting while simultaneously getting annoyed when they help out but don’t meet my impossibly high standards. That’s a one-way street.
After that night when I acted like an ungrateful brat about the dishes, I woke up determined to change my perspective. I decided to focus on the little—and big—things my family does. If my daughter took out the bathroom trash but missed a roll of toilet paper, I would honor her effort instead of highlighting her mistakes. When my son took the initiative to vacuum the couch cushions, even if it took him what felt like an eternity, I made sure to praise his eagerness to help.
The next time my husband washed the dishes, I bit my tongue and offered a silent prayer of gratitude that he was in the kitchen while I relaxed with a cup of tea and my favorite show. Our home is far happier when everyone contributes and I genuinely appreciate their efforts rather than insisting that they do things my way.
So, I’m making a conscious effort to stop hovering, to put down the micromanagement. They might not scrub the floors as well as I do, but their attempts are what matter most.
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In summary, I’m learning to embrace the help my family offers, even when it’s not done my way. This shift in perspective is crucial for fostering a positive atmosphere in our home.