Let’s be honest: any mom who’s keeping it real will tell you that motherhood can be a real challenge at times. Sure, it’s a life-changing experience filled with joy, but there are moments when it just feels overwhelming.
Picture this: you’re battling a nasty cold, your partner is working late, and your little one has a tummy bug, desperately seeking comfort from you. Your head is pounding, and you know you’re in for another four to five hours of this chaos before you get any backup. And don’t forget the mountain of dirty diapers waiting for you!
Or maybe your friends invite you for a much-needed pedicure after work. You’re itching for some self-care, but there’s no feasible way to arrange childcare. Rescheduling isn’t an option for them, leaving you feeling left out.
And let’s not overlook the time Beyoncé rolls into town for a once-in-a-lifetime concert, but you’re at home, still recovering from childbirth and feeling like a hot mess. (Still not over missing that one.)
These moments happen, and though they may come from a place of longing, it’s important to acknowledge that moms have their own desires and shouldn’t be labeled as selfish for wanting to pursue them.
After my child was born, I found myself in a deep pit of sadness and self-pity. While I won’t label it postpartum depression (I didn’t have a thorough conversation with my doctor), I can definitely say I was struggling with:
- Severe sleep deprivation
- Intense hormonal fluctuations
- Jealousy towards my child-free friends who seemed to have it easy
It was a toxic mix, and I realized I was allowing myself to be consumed by negativity. I felt like my life had come to a standstill. If I could go back to my new-mom self, here’s what I’d say:
1. Be Honest About What You’d Be Doing Instead.
I remember feeling down about becoming a mom at 26, thinking my dreams of globetrotting were dashed. I’d cry to my partner about how we’d never be able to just hop on a plane to Europe again. But let’s be real: I had already traveled more in my youth than many people do in a lifetime, and we had no plans for a European vacation anyway. Recognizing that what I thought I was missing out on wasn’t all that spectacular helped me find some peace.
2. Realize This Is Temporary.
The feelings of being trapped while nursing my newborn were intense, but they didn’t last forever. As he grew, outings became easier, and soon, we could enjoy more adventures together. Remember: babies turn into kids, and before you know it, they’re teenagers who won’t want to be seen with you!
3. View This Time as an Investment.
Parenting is likely a choice you made, and the sacrifices you’re making now are nurturing your child’s growth and future. Ask yourself: are those outings really more important than investing in your little one’s development?
4. Create Small Joyful Moments for Yourself.
Even when it feels like self-care is impossible, small acts can lift your spirits. I struggled with my appearance post-baby, feeling unattractive and overwhelmed.
5. Communicate Your Needs.
I made the rookie mistake of expecting my partner, Mark, to just know what I needed. He’s a great dad, but he doesn’t have the same experience as me. When I finally started saying, “I’d love to do this for myself; when can you help?” he was incredibly supportive. I’d pump a bottle and take a guilt-free walk, and it was a game changer.
6. Connect with Your Partner.
During those early days, I often felt isolated, and I was unintentionally pushing Mark away. He was doing his best, but I wasn’t helping him understand what I was going through. We began discussing our love languages and making intentional gestures to reconnect. It sounds a bit cheesy, but saying “my love tank is low” helped him understand that I needed a little extra love that day, while I also made sure to show him appreciation for what he was doing.
At the end of the day, I can’t make new motherhood any easier, but I hope these insights help you navigate the ups and downs with a bit more grace. Here’s to making it through together!
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