Let’s get real for a moment: I didn’t breastfeed my son. It wasn’t due to a lack of milk, a stubborn latch, or any physical inability. I just didn’t want to.
Now, some folks might hear that and immediately assume I must be selfish, lazy, or perhaps not very informed about motherhood. There’s this deeply ingrained belief that every mother should have that instinct to nurse her baby, like it’s written in our DNA. And trust me, I’ve wrestled with those very judgments about myself for years.
The Struggle with Breastfeeding
When my first son arrived, I gave breastfeeding a shot—and from the get-go, I despised it. I didn’t experience that warm, fuzzy feeling that so many other moms seem to rave about. Instead, I felt anger and frustration every time I nursed. The thought of feeding my baby filled me with dread, and I began to resent him for invading my body in such an intimate way. I quit after a few weeks and felt an immediate wave of relief. However, that relief was quickly replaced by a heavy blanket of shame and guilt. I couldn’t help but think, “I should want to breastfeed. What’s wrong with me?”
Societal Pressure and Guilt
While I generated plenty of self-doubt, it was society that really piled on the guilt. The most intrusive question every new mom seems to face—“Are you breastfeeding?”—is everywhere. It’s bizarre, really. We don’t ask strangers about their sex lives post-baby or if they had an episiotomy, so why the fixation on breastfeeding? It’s as if how a woman feeds her child somehow defines her worth as a mother. I felt like I was doing it all wrong.
On top of the invasive questions, there’s a constant stream of articles and blog posts touting that “breast is best.” The judgment is palpable for anyone who dares to admit they’re not a fan of breastfeeding. All of these messages create a glaring narrative: if you don’t breastfeed, you’re somehow lacking as a mother.
A Call for Change
This needs to change.
Let me be clear; I’m fully aware of the benefits of breastfeeding. Most people are. I support a mother’s right to breastfeed for as long as she wishes. Yet, this cannot come at the expense of support for those who, for various reasons, choose not to breastfeed. I still vividly recall the large sign in a local maternity store boldly stating: “Babies Are Meant to Be Breastfed.” My heart sank when I read it. What did that say about me as a mother if I had chosen not to breastfeed for my own mental health?
At the time, I felt like I had failed. But over the years, I’ve come to realize that I hadn’t failed at all. For me, breastfeeding just wasn’t a healthy option—it only worsened my postpartum struggles. When my second son came along three years later, I decided not to even attempt breastfeeding, and it turned out to be the best decision for me and my family.
Finding Acceptance
Though I was confident in my choice, the shadows of shame and guilt lingered for a while. However, over time, those feelings have lessened. A decade does wonders for perspective, and society is gradually becoming more accepting of formula feeding. Experts like Sarah Lewis, a lactation consultant, have been advocating for understanding among all mothers. She emphasizes that “the judgment and shame over not breastfeeding has to end.” Ultimately, love is what truly counts.
We need to move away from this idea that mothers should be self-sacrificing angels. Not every mother feels the same instincts or desires, and that’s okay. We all have our unique ways of nurturing our children. Motherhood is a diverse journey, but one thing remains constant: we all love our kids fiercely. And love is all that truly matters.
Further Reading
If you’re interested in exploring more about home insemination, check out this blog post on intracervical insemination, or consider resources from Make a Mom, which is an authority on the topic. For those looking for statistics on infertility, the CDC offers excellent resources.
Summary
The author shares her personal experience of choosing not to breastfeed her son, revealing the guilt and shame she faced from society. She emphasizes the importance of supporting mothers regardless of their feeding choices and advocates for acceptance and love in motherhood.