I first stumbled upon Kahlil Gibran’s poem, “On Children,” back in my teenage years. I can’t quite place the moment, but I distinctly remember my dad reciting the poignant line, “Your children are not your children,” in a nostalgic tone. Perhaps he was grappling with the reality of watching his kids grow up, or maybe he’d just read it and felt a deep connection. Regardless, those words stuck with me.
Fast forward over 20 years and three kids later, I find myself reflecting on this piece as a mother. My eldest is now 16, and Gibran’s profound insights resonate deeply, especially considering he never had children of his own. Normally, I’m skeptical of parenting advice from those without kids, but this poem transcends that. Maybe his lack of parental experience offered him the clarity to see the truth that so many of us struggle with amidst the chaos of raising little humans.
Gibran’s Profound Insights
In Gibran’s words:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
Ouch! Right off the bat, he hits a nerve. Most parents feel an instinctual bond — biological, emotional, and spiritual — with their children. We decided to have them (or not), we nurture them, and we love them. So what do you mean they aren’t ours?
But, truthfully, they don’t belong to us. We may have facilitated their arrival, but we certainly didn’t design who they are. A force greater than ourselves — whether you call it God, nature, or simply “Life’s longing for itself” — is the architect of their identity.
Individual Paths
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
This notion really hits home — our kids are not just extensions of us; they are unique individuals with their own paths to forge. And the future? It’s a mystery that even we can’t predict. We can offer guidance and love, but we can’t impose our thoughts or beliefs on them. They have their own minds to navigate a world we can hardly envision.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
Parents have a special grasp of the relentless passage of time. There’s no pausing or rewinding the clock, no matter how much we wish we could. As time marches forward, we move with it. The temptation to imprint our own desires onto our children is strong, but they have their own destinies to fulfill, separate from ours. Our paths intertwine, yes, but they are distinctly their own.
The Bows and Arrows Analogy
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
I feel that bending now as my eldest prepares to step out into the world. Perhaps that’s why many parents say that parenting doesn’t get easier — the closer we get to letting go, the more we feel the stretch. It can be painful. But this analogy beautifully illustrates that this discomfort has a purpose.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
What a lovely reminder to find joy amid the struggle, for we and our children are cherished by the Divine. We must remain strong, as our stability will support them as they soar into the world.
Our kids are unique beings, with whom we share a brief moment in time. They will help advance humanity in ways we may never witness. They have their own destinies, separate from ours. In reality, they are not truly ours at all.
Conclusion
In conclusion, as parents, it’s essential to embrace the fact that our children are not possessions but rather individuals on their own journeys. This understanding can help us foster their growth while also allowing us to find peace in our roles as guides.
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