“Remember, you’re a boy. You have to treat girls like flowers!”
I couldn’t believe my ears when I heard this at the park the other day. A woman, probably in her early 30s, was telling her young son this as he dashed off to play. Her intention was clear: she wanted him to be gentle with girls, to treat them differently than he would his male playmates. While I appreciate the good intentions behind her words, I couldn’t help but feel a little fire in my belly. I didn’t say anything at the time—what could I even say in that moment?
But now that I’ve had time to think it over, I know exactly what I would’ve told that mom and what I strive to show my own son through my actions: girls—and, by extension, women—are not flowers. They are f*cking trees. Flowers are fragile, easily damaged, and need constant care. Trees, on the other hand? They are resilient, robust, and they get things done. They dig deep roots, provide shelter, produce oxygen, and stand tall through every storm life throws their way.
I wanted so badly to tell that mom to stop feeding her son the idea that girls are delicate beings who need to be treated with kid gloves. Instead, let’s teach our boys to see them as equals. As the mother of a son, I feel it’s crucial to shape how he treats girls and women as he grows up. I don’t want him to place women on a pedestal where they become fetishized and distant, but rather to respect them as equals.
Interestingly enough, my son tends to gravitate towards playing with girls. I remind him of the same rules I set when he’s with his male friends: keep your hands to yourself, respect personal space, and always say please and thank you. The little girls he plays with are the kind I hope he always surrounds himself with: fierce little warriors who take no nonsense. They don’t want to be treated like delicate blooms; they are strong, mighty saplings, growing roots and realizing their capabilities. It’s inspiring to watch.
I find it amazing when one of my son’s female friends stands her ground against him (my son can be a bit bossy). When he comes to me, nearly in tears because she’s asserted herself one more time, I have to resist the urge to give her a high-five because I’m so proud of her. I simply remind him that she has every right to take up space in this world just like he does. He is not her boss; he is her friend.
One of my close friends has a daughter who’s almost 2, and she is the lone girl in our group. Whenever we gather, she boldly inserts herself into the middle of the action, demanding inclusion. We tell the boys to go easy on her simply because she’s younger, but we all know she can hold her own. If her brother or my son tries to hug her when she’s not in the mood, she doesn’t hesitate to shove them away with a clear message: “Back off, dudes. I don’t have time for you!” She is far from fragile. She is a no-nonsense, unapologetically fierce little girl, and I’m in awe of her confidence. She is a tree, no doubt about it, and she ensures everyone knows it.
It’s this kind of confidence that we need to instill in young girls while also letting our boys see it. Girls should start as saplings—small yet strong, digging deep roots to understand their worth, and then growing, growing, growing. By nurturing them, we allow them to share their strength with the world like oxygen. Those roots will provide shelter and protection in whatever ways they choose, and the love and support we give them will last a lifetime.
Girls are not flowers. They are goddamn trees.
For more insightful discussions about parenting and empowerment, check out this post on intracervicalinsemination.com. And if you’re looking for ways to boost fertility, Make A Mom has some excellent resources. For detailed information on pregnancy, NHS offers a wealth of knowledge.
Summary
This piece emphasizes the need to shift the narrative around how we view girls and women, encouraging a perspective that sees them as strong, resilient beings—like trees—rather than fragile flowers. It advocates for raising boys to treat girls as equals and instilling confidence in young girls to understand their worth.