Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? To love and cherish her through pregnancy-related hemorrhoids, awkward chin hair plucking, and the time she gets a little too tipsy at the holiday party and ends up getting sick in the car on the way home? And do you take this man to be your husband? Through thick and thin, even with the farts that could knock a buzzard off a gut wagon and the socks so crusty they could practically stand up on their own, not to mention nail clippings and beard trimmings scattered around the sink?
When you first fall head-over-heels for your partner, these revolting realities are the last things on your mind. They seem so sexy! So charming! So wonderfully fragrant! In those blissful early days, it’s hard to picture anything less than perfection about them—or they about you. You’re convinced he rolls out of bed with perfectly tousled hair and a natural, revitalizing scent, while he believes you’re a flawless paragon free of any bodily functions. You manage your bathroom visits like a covert mission, either using those strong pelvic floor muscles to reduce your stream to a mere trickle or running the faucet to conceal any telltale sounds. Your burps don’t escape, melting silently away before they can tarnish your seemingly perfect image. And during those initial nights spent together (when you’re actually sleeping), the thought of snoring—or heaven forbid, farting—while you snooze is utterly terrifying. Bodily functions? Not me!
But as your relationship progresses, comfort grows, and you start to notice your beloved’s not-so-pleasant quirks—like that earwax issue or the morning breath that could knock a buzzard off a gut wagon. Before long, you’re sharing giggles over the occasional squeaky toot, and suddenly it doesn’t seem so unthinkable anymore. A few months down the line, you find yourself perched on the bathroom sink clipping your toenails in your favorite holey sweats while your partner casually discusses the aftereffects of that spicy Mexican meal from last night—while sitting on the toilet, of course.
It’s nearly impossible to have a deep, intimate connection with someone (especially if you live together) without encountering the not-so-glamorous parts of life—those messy, stinky bits that are just part of being human. Thankfully, these realities don’t usually diminish our attraction; by the time we realize our partners are imperfectly human (and, yes, a bit gross), we’ve already become so attached to their wonderful qualities that a little foot funk isn’t going to scare us off. (And let’s be real: we’re tired of holding in those farts too.)
Isn’t it fascinating? We initially hide these natural, albeit slightly gross, aspects from one another, even though we know our partners deal with the same mundane bodily realities that we do. Our attraction often blinds us to these truths until we reach a point of emotional security. Science, right?
However, even after reaching this stage, everyone has their own “relationship grossness threshold.” For instance, my partner, Jake, has no qualms about chatting while he’s on the toilet, but he’s quick to usher me out of the bathroom when it’s time for cleanup. As for me, he’s witnessed the aftermath of childbirth (thanks for that, kids!) and has seen more of my anatomy than I ever thought possible, but I still can’t bear the thought of him witnessing me wax my upper lip. Why certain things cross the line while others don’t is a mystery, but I suppose we all need to keep a few secrets, right? I could walk around with a wild ‘70s bush and it wouldn’t faze me, but heaven forbid he thinks my upper lip isn’t naturally hairless.
At its core, the freedom to be gross with one another signals something profound. It communicates an unspoken message: “Hey, we’ve built a strong level of trust. I’m comfortable being my true self with you, and I know that my flaws won’t send you running for the hills.” You don’t even have to say it out loud. After all, love can be expressed in many unexpected ways…including the sound of a well-timed fart.
In summary, embracing the gross aspects of our relationships can actually strengthen the bond between partners. While we initially hide our less-than-pleasant traits, over time, these moments of vulnerability reveal a deeper level of trust and intimacy. So, let’s celebrate those quirky, slightly disgusting truths that make our connections more authentic.