A recent viral tweet ignited a significant discussion about single mothers in the U.S. and the misplaced blame for societal issues affecting children. A few weeks ago, I shared an article from Affinity Magazine regarding Oklahoma’s newly passed Conscience Protection Act, which safeguards the interests of religious groups that believe life starts at conception. This bill paves the way for hospitals and clinics to deny emergency contraceptives like the Plan B pill. My take was straightforward, and it unexpectedly went viral—60,000 retweets later, I was flooded with replies that showed just how skewed society’s view of single mothers can be. My mention of single moms as “underprepared” was quickly twisted into every negative stereotype imaginable. This is largely fueled by statistics that focus solely on numbers, overlooking the real stories of women who, for various reasons, are raising their children alone.
Having been a stay-at-home mom, a married mother, and a single working mom (and nearly everything in between), I can confirm that the stigma surrounding single motherhood is harmful and misrepresentative. Being unprepared for the challenges of single parenting does not equate to failure. It does not mean you will rely on welfare, nor does it imply you will raise children who become delinquents. It’s high time we dispel these misconceptions.
Single Moms Are Accidents
This belief is a multifaceted failure that unfairly blames women for larger societal issues. According to recent data, nearly half of single mothers in the U.S. have never been married. While it’s true that over half of single mothers are under the age of 24, and 15% are under 20, what’s often ignored is that many single mothers are widowed, divorced, or separated—like myself.
Single Moms Raise Criminals
Attributing crime solely to single mothers is like trying to see a whale through a pinhole. Many factors contribute to crime rates in the U.S., including access to quality education, household income, substance abuse, and more. Placing the entire burden of crime on single mothers is not only spineless but also inaccurate. Some of history’s most influential figures, including former President Barack Obama, owe their success to the support of their single mothers. Crime is predominantly linked to poverty, not family structure.
Single Moms Are Welfare Queens
If you’ve never sat in the crowded waiting room of a welfare office, you might want to hold off on commenting about the system. It’s far easier to criticize than to experience. Right-wing critics have painted a picture of desperate women with outstretched hands, but the average cash assistance is only about $430 a month, hardly sufficient to live on. Notably, 45.8% of single mothers have accessed food stamps, while only 11% have received cash benefits. This means that over half of single mothers are managing to keep it together against all odds in a system not designed to support them.
Single Moms Are Loose Women
Ah yes, here we go again with the judgments about women’s choices. Whether it’s in jest or serious discourse, the narrative often suggests that single mothers are reckless in their sexual decisions. Yet, it takes two to tango—until we address the absent fathers, the conversation remains imbalanced. Yes, some men are deployed or incarcerated, but the focus tends to remain on women as the villains. It’s time we revisit sex education and recognize that the real issue is often about missing fathers.
Single Moms Need to Get It Together
It’s easy to forget that many women who become single mothers planned their families but faced unforeseen circumstances. Whether through adoption, IVF, or the loss of a partner, being a single mother is not a mistake—it’s a choice made under challenging circumstances. These women are navigating a new family dynamic, often while grieving or simply trying to survive. What they truly need is support, not judgment. Society has failed to provide adequate resources for families of all shapes and sizes.
On top of everything else, single mothers juggle education, finances, and the endless responsibilities of parenting, all while trying to maintain their mental health and well-being. Life doesn’t slow down for single-parent households. Bills pile up, children get sick, and the pressures are relentless. It often feels like racing with a flat tire, yet the expectation remains to finish first.
Instead of scrutinizing how single mothers raise their children, let’s shift the focus to how society can uplift them.