“I’m 9 years old, and I live with OCD. Going to school is tough because I worry about doing something strange, like swearing or accidentally spitting food and then wanting to eat it again. It’s not that I want to act this way; it’s just that my OCD keeps pushing me, which makes me feel constantly stressed. The same thing happens when I get home. At night, I feel compelled to check under my bed for monsters or think about hurting my cuts. It’s exhausting. I’m always on edge or in a bad mood.”
These are the thoughts of my son. He’s an incredible kid—imaginative, lively, and caring. Yet, he often feels isolated and misunderstood. Just last night, he expressed a desire for a normal life, free from the grips of OCD. My heart aches for him as he battles feelings of helplessness and frustration.
Here’s how my son describes his typical school day:
- 9:00 a.m. — “Morning meeting: It’s fun, but I’m anxious about swearing or embarrassing myself in front of the class.”
- 9:30 a.m. — “Math: Super stressful. I’m worried I’ll make noises or write something inappropriate on the Smart Board.”
- 10:30 a.m. — “Reading: More stress about swearing or making loud noises when it’s supposed to be quiet.”
- 11:10 a.m. — “Recess and lunch: I usually enjoy recess, but sometimes I feel like hurting myself. Thank goodness it’s warm, so I won’t get my tongue stuck to metal poles. At the start of the year, I had to resist looking directly at the sun. During lunch, I eat everything in threes and sometimes drop food on purpose, feeling the urge to pick it up and eat it.”
- 12:00 p.m. — “Writing: This class is the worst. I like my teacher, but the quiet makes me anxious, especially after recess.”
- 12:30 p.m. — “Specialists: Gym is better, but sometimes I still have odd urges. Art, music, and Spanish are just as stressful as the other classes.”
- 1:35 p.m. — “Social Studies and Science: Some days are fine when we’re busy, but partner work or quiet times can trigger my stress about making noise or dropping things.”
- 2:30 p.m. — “Free-choice time: This is when I finally relax. I can read or play without worrying about being watched.”
- 3:30 p.m. — “The bus is manageable, as long as I’m not sitting near the emergency alarm. If I am, I have to resist the urge to pull it.”
He also mentioned, “When I walk down the hall, I need to touch my knees to the floor in threes. There are lots of other urges too, like wanting to scribble on my paper or even hurt myself. I bruised my leg this week, and sometimes I think about hitting it with a hammer. I know it’s wrong and I don’t want to do it, but my OCD tells me I should.”
My son wanted me to share his story to help others understand OCD better. He’s tired of fighting it alone, but the fear of being discovered adds to his struggle. He wants reassurance that he is okay, even with OCD.
For those familiar with OCD, please leave some encouraging words for him. Let him know he’s not alone and that hope exists beyond OCD. For those who don’t have OCD, thank you for taking the time to read this. No one without OCD can fully grasp the challenge of resisting compulsions or the incessant voice in their head. But if my son’s experience gives you a greater understanding and empathy for those who live with it, please let him know he has made an impact.
This piece originally appeared on Home Insemination Kit.
Summary:
A 9-year-old boy shares his daily struggles with OCD, expressing the constant anxiety and confusion it brings to his life. He describes how this condition affects his school day and personal interactions, and he seeks understanding and encouragement from others. Through his words, he hopes to connect with those who face similar challenges while educating those who don’t.