I used to pride myself on having a strong stomach. Blood? No biggie. My own vomit? It made me queasy, but I didn’t actually lose my lunch. I could even chat with my partner about the occasional poop incident. Cleaning up after my dog? A manageable task.
However, the sight of falling teeth? That was a whole different story. And let’s not even talk about the stench of urine in alleys; that was enough to make me gag. Cleaning dog poop? Let’s just say that once, I ended up throwing up on the very mess I was trying to clean. Thankfully, my partner took care of the more unpleasant aspects of pet ownership.
Then came the kids, and suddenly, my stomach developed a superhero-level fortitude. People without children might recognize that kids can be messy, but they don’t fully grasp the sheer level of bodily grossness until they’ve lived with a tiny human. You’ll find yourself doing things you’d have never imagined before becoming a mom—things that would have sent your pre-mom self running for the hills.
You’ll Get Poop Out of… Well, Anywhere.
Sure, non-moms know that changing diapers is part of the deal, and they might think it’s unpleasant. But only a mom knows the reality of digging poop out of the delicate crevices of tiny body parts. And yes, it often takes multiple wipes. You’ll cringe, but you’ll do it because, surprise! That’s your new job description. Who read the fine print anyway?
You’ll Get Poop on Your Hands.
Oh, and let’s not forget those diaper blowouts that leave your baby smeared from neck to heels. You’ll wrestle them out of their clothes—usually the cute ones you decided to dress them in for a special occasion—while frantically wiping away, all while accidentally getting poop on your hands. You’ll find yourself getting annoyed about the outfit, only to smear it on your now-poopy shirt and keep going. Once upon a time, dog poop would have made me nauseous. Now? I’m casually cleaning up human feces without batting an eye.
You’ll Become a Cleaning Expert.
Don’t think your child will intentionally wallow in poop, but trust me, it can happen. It’s not even uncommon to find out they decided to skip the potty and just go on the floor. And if you’re raising boys, get ready for a battle against urine splatters. They will find every surface but the toilet to aim at. Your bathroom may smell like a questionable alleyway, and you’ll be on a first-name basis with the cleaner that masks the odor.
Yes, You’ll Catch Vomit in Your Hands.
An old saying in the mom world goes: when your child vomits, you’ll instinctively hold out your hands to catch it. It’s easier to clean your hands than to scrub the couch or sheets afterward. You’ll hold warm, gooey vomit without a second thought, simply because you have to.
You’ll Suck Snot Out of Another Human.
Ever heard of the NoseFrida? It’s a life-saver when your baby has a cold. You’ll place one end in their nose and suck on the other end (thankfully, there’s a barrier). The sounds of snot would’ve made you queasy before, but now you find yourself barking orders at your partner to hold the baby still so you can get the job done.
You’ll Dig Deep into Earwax.
I’m not one for excess earwax, but my husband has a different genetic background, and my kids clearly inherited that trait. Armed with Q-tips, I’ll regularly clean out the sticky, gross stuff from their ears while they smile blissfully. My pre-mom self would have fainted, but now? It’s just another day in the life.
Someone Will Bleed on You.
I’m not just talking about a little cut here. Imagine your child falling, hitting their head, and gushing blood everywhere. You’ll rush them to the ER, covered in blood, and you’ll realize that being okay with blood means nothing when it’s splattered across your face, shirt, and hands.
You’ll Wipe Snot Off Their Face—With Your Hand.
Picture this: a giant booger on your kid’s upper lip, no wipes in sight. What do you do? You swipe it off with your hand, shake it off, and carry on. Touching your own snot is bad enough, but dealing with someone else’s? To a non-mom, that’s a reality show moment.
You’ll Clean Up a Child Covered in… Everything.
Remember those messy obstacle courses from childhood game shows? As a mom, you’ll often find yourself tackling the aftermath of those very messes. Scrubbing avocado from neck folds and spaghetti sauce from ear canals becomes a regular occurrence. What once would have grossed me out is now just part of bath time.
So, did you think you had a strong stomach? Children will toughen it up. Motherhood is a wild ride filled with joy and wonder, but it’s also downright disgusting. And honestly, you won’t care.
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Summary:
Motherhood is a messy and often gross experience that transforms your pre-mom perceptions of cleanliness and bodily functions. From diaper blowouts to catching vomit, moms quickly adapt to the chaos of raising children. What once seemed unbearable becomes part of everyday life, showcasing the transformative power of motherhood.