When my son turned 2, he was blissfully snoozing in his crib when a well-meaning friend decided to throw a wrench in my parenting plans by suggesting it was time to switch him to a “real” bed. Honestly, I hadn’t even considered that there was a deadline on crib sleeping. I mean, he wasn’t headed to college with it, right? And even if he did, surely that was better than a dormitory bed! I wasn’t worried; my son loved his crib, and to be frank, so did I. So why rock the boat?
As any busy parent can attest, the last thing you want is to add another task to your already overflowing plate. Between potty training, battling over vegetables, and explaining why we clean ourselves daily, adding a new bedtime routine felt like madness. But, being a sucker for parenting advice and inspired by my friend’s enthusiasm, I went ahead and ordered a toddler bed from the internet. The transition was set into motion.
I was genuinely excited, thinking, “This is going to be a breeze! The crib isn’t that crucial; this new bed will be a hit!” Spoiler alert: It wasn’t.
Unlike my clueless friend, who gave me no heads-up about the potential chaos of an open bedtime, I’m here to prepare you for what’s to come. Before you usher your child out of their cozy crib, get ready to face these all-important questions. Expect them to pop up, likely in the whiniest, sleep-deprived voice imaginable at all hours of the night:
- “Mommy, can I have a cup of water?”
- “My cup of water spilled. Can I have more blankets?”
- “I didn’t finish my cup of water. Can I have another?”
- “The water is hot now. Can I have some ice?”
- “I drank it all. Can you help me go potty?”
- “Just curious, does Rapunzel have a sister?”
- “Does Mickey Mouse have a mommy? Why not? Is she dead?”
- “What happens when mouse mommies die? Are you going to die?”
- “Mommy, can you put carrots in my lunch tomorrow?”
- “No! I don’t like carrots. Can I have oranges instead?”
- “How do snakes hug each other?”
- “I hear a buzz in the fan. Are there bees? Will I bleed if they sting me?”
- “Can I sleep in your bed? I’m scared of the bees!”
- “Did my sister’s penis fall off? Can mine fall off too?”
- “Can I check Daddy’s penis to make sure it’s okay?”
- “Can I have a fruit snack? Where’s that toy dog Aunt Sissy gave me?”
- “Is it morning yet? Is it morning yet? Is it still not morning?”
- “When it’s morning, do I have to go to school? I don’t like school anymore. Can I watch a movie?”
- “What’s your favorite movie? Is it only for adults? Can I watch it? Can we have popcorn?”
- “I ate popcorn last year and it made my tummy ache. Can I have some medicine?”
- “I ate some medicine. Is that okay? Just kidding, Mommy, I didn’t eat any.”
- “What color is our couch? Can I get out my Legos? I’ll be quiet, promise!”
- “Can I play Fruit Ninja? Why is your tummy so big, Mommy? Did you eat a baby?”
- “How do babies get in your tummy? Did you eat me?”
- “I miss my dog. Can we bring him inside? The dark is too dark.”
- “My nightlight is too bright. My pillow is too squishy.”
- “What is dooooooosh? I heard ‘douche’ on the TV.”
- “Am I your favorite boy in the world? Don’t you want to sleep in the same bed as your favorite boy?”
- “There’s a scary man in my closet, Mommy. Is that God? Does God never sleep? Is he tired?”
- “Can I sleep like a bat, upside down? Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Is Mommy your real name?”
- And last but not least, “Is it time to get out of bed yet?!”
This is just a glimpse of the questions my son has thrown at me this week. If you managed to get through this list without losing your sanity or pulling your hair out, congratulations! You’re a superhero among parents, and you’re officially ready to make the leap from crib to bed. And let’s be honest, you’re a much better person than I am.
For more insights and stories from the parenting trenches, check out one of our other blog posts here. Also, if you’re looking for reliable resources on home insemination, consider visiting Make a Mom. Another excellent resource can be found at WebMD.
In summary, transitioning your child from a crib to a bed is a journey filled with unexpected questions and challenges. Prepare yourself for a whirlwind of nighttime inquiries, and remember that you are not alone in this adventure.