You Don’t Have to Adore Infants to Be a Great Mom

home insemination Kit

“Okay, team,” I declared during my faculty meeting. “I’m officially declaring that I can’t teach anyone younger than high school seniors.” It was late spring, and you could hear the cheers of kids at baseball practice wafting through the open windows. If I stood up, I might catch a glimpse of the manicured field, the diamond-shaped bases, and the red dirt that was somehow always on their uniforms.

As spring crept forward, the students began to mentally check out, and we teachers found ourselves daydreaming about next year’s classes, clubs, and the schedules we’d have in the fall. “I’m totally done with freshmen,” I reiterated, making my case.

After years of navigating the emotional chaos of 15-year-olds, I craved a classroom filled with more mature students—ones who could handle the nurse’s lines in Romeo and Juliet without giggling uncontrollably. Then, surprise! I found out I was pregnant.

I had zero experience with infants. I was the youngest sibling in my family, and my only brush with kids was reading the Baby-Sitters Club books. My partner, Dan, wasn’t any more seasoned; most of our friends with kids had already formed their parenting squads by the time we arrived at social gatherings. When we were around little ones, we were all elbows and awkwardness, fumbling with applesauce and not understanding the intricacies of baby sign language. What on earth was a sippy cup, and why did this toddler keep asking for one? It’s no wonder no one asked us to babysit.

We were thrilled to be expecting, but that didn’t mean we knew what we were signing up for. It’s like a kindergarten kid begging for a puppy—cute, but they have no clue what “pooper-scooper” or “de-worming” really involves. We envisioned a candy-pink, sweet-smelling baby. But then, we welcomed our son prematurely, getting thrown into parenting without the full nine-month prep time.

Honestly, who is truly ready for their first child? Trying to explain sleep deprivation to someone who hasn’t experienced it is like describing the color orange to someone who can’t see or trying to convey the beauty of snow to a parrot living in the tropics.

Here’s the harsh truth: I didn’t have that magical moment where everything clicks when you first meet your child—no symphonic swell or lightbulb moment. His birth was a whirlwind of chaos, and I barely got to plant a kiss on his damp head before they rushed him off to the NICU.

Weeks passed where all I could do was touch him through a maze of wires and beeping machines. I was terrified of my own child, afraid I’d mess everything up.

Infancy was tough. It was the stuff of horror stories that mothers often promise not to share, only to spill them later. My son was fragile, and while my fear eventually morphed into competence, it seldom felt joyful.

But then, time did its magic. We transitioned from counting weeks to months to years, and somehow—without me even realizing it—I found my rhythm.

Now, instead of teaching high school, I’m in the trenches with my three kids, all of whom are still young enough to count on one hand. I teach them letters, numbers, and the importance of a sincere “sorry.” I traded Shakespeare for Llama Llama, and honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love my kids with all their quirks and idiosyncrasies.

Yet here’s the kicker: I still don’t love babies. You couldn’t pay me to relive the infant stage. Some folks thrive on the tiniest ones with their cute onesies and cozy baby carriers, but I’m good. I’m relieved we’ve moved on.

You won’t cherish every single moment of this journey, and just because the baby stage isn’t your favorite doesn’t mean you won’t adore the later years (well, maybe not puberty). It’s perfectly fine to voice your feelings to your partner in your next team meeting. It’s crucial to express your concerns, devise a survival plan, and remind yourself that this chaos isn’t forever. You will sleep again, and you’ll grow into your role, learning as you go. You don’t need to love babies to be a fantastic mother.

For more insights and support on your parenting journey, check out this fantastic resource on pregnancy and home insemination.