I’ve never quite understood why some parents insist their kids should remain virgins until they tie the knot. Let’s be real: we don’t own our children’s bodies. Their virginity and the decision of when to give it up is theirs alone. It’s unrealistic to impose such beliefs on them. If they decide to engage in premarital sex, they should feel free to explore that choice without shame or secrecy from us. Sex is a natural part of life, and trying to enforce our views on their sexuality often comes off as selfish. Who are we really trying to please in that scenario?
Moreover, pushing abstinence can create a wall between us and our kids, shutting down valuable communication. They’ll likely make their own choices about their bodies regardless; they’ll just be less inclined to share those choices with us. I don’t know about you, but I’d prefer open discussions over failed control.
And let’s not forget the hypocrisy. Many parents enjoyed their own sexual experiences before marriage, so why expect our children to stick to one partner for life, as traditional vows suggest? If you waited until marriage, great! Share your reasons, but don’t assume they’ll follow your path just because it worked for you.
I vaguely remember telling my mom back in my early teens that I would save myself for marriage. She praised my decision but didn’t make a fuss. A year or two later, I realized my commitment was more about my crush on a pop star than any genuine belief. I eventually decided that waiting for love and the right moment made more sense to me.
I lost my virginity at 20. I liked the guy, but love? Not so much. When I found out I was pregnant with my son, my partner and I were in a committed relationship, but we weren’t engaged or planning to marry.
Coming from parents who never pressured me to abstain, I was curious about the rationale behind “waiting until marriage.” Unsurprisingly, most of the information I found online was rooted in religious beliefs. One site that stood out to me was Aleteia.org, which presented several reasons for postponing sex until marriage—like promoting better communication in dating and minimizing risks of abuse. It’s baffling how some believe sex turns people into hormonal messes incapable of rational thought! (Not all religious parents push these ideas, though.)
Right now, my son is just 3, so we aren’t discussing sex yet. But I know those conversations will come sooner than I think. I want him to grow up knowing that sex is a normal, natural part of life and that wanting to explore it is perfectly fine, as long as it’s consensual and safe.
It blows my mind that sex is still considered taboo. According to Advocates for Youth, around 70% of young people have sex by age 19. I’m not advocating for teenage sex, but it’s a reality that can’t be ignored. We need to create an environment where our kids feel comfortable discussing their lives openly, so we can offer them the support they need.
As a parent, it’s crucial for me to assure my son that I’m here for him. I want him to think seriously about what sex entails and to wait until he feels ready. I aim to provide him with the information he needs to make informed choices, including access to contraception and health screenings for STIs.
Interestingly, about 95% of people have sex before marriage, especially as folks marry later in life. So, do we really expect our kids to wait until they’re 30? I don’t.
Ultimately, my priority as a parent is to teach my son about safety and consent. The decision of when to engage in sex should be his alone. I refuse to impose unrealistic expectations. Forbidding sex only makes it seem off-limits and more enticing, which isn’t helpful. I want my child to feel comfortable coming to me with questions instead of relying on the internet or peers for answers. Like any parent, I hope I can provide him with the best guidance possible.
For more insights on parenting and discussions around sensitive topics, check out this link. And if you’re interested in resources about at-home insemination, you might want to look into this kit. Plus, CCRM IVF offers excellent advice on pregnancy and home insemination that might be worth exploring.
In summary, I believe in fostering open communication about sex and relationships with my kids. By doing so, I can better support them as they navigate their own choices about their bodies and relationships.