When You’re Deep in Parenting, Marriage Can Feel Like Roommates

home insemination Kit

I had just returned home from work, and my wife, Jenna, and I hadn’t shared a kiss yet. Normally, we do, but with three kids under ten, things can get a bit wild. Jenna was working on dinner, and at her feet was our youngest, a messy toddler in a onesie, crying for attention. Meanwhile, our two oldest, Liam and Zoe, were at the table. Liam was trying to help Zoe with her math homework, but she was having none of it, and soon they were in a full-blown argument. “Just let me help you!” Liam insisted, but Zoe shot back, “I want Mommy!”

This chaotic scene is all too familiar. Recently, I stumbled upon a series of paintings on Bored Panda that intended to capture the essence of love. Most depicted couples in intimate moments, like a man wrapping his arms around a woman as she reached for tomatoes on the kitchen counter. It’s hard not to feel nostalgic looking at those images, as Jenna and I have shared many similar moments over our thirteen years together. But with kids, chaos reigns, and it rarely resembles a picturesque love story. Instead of romance, it can feel more like a business partnership, where Jenna looks at me with a tight-lipped expression that screams, “Help me!”

As much as I longed to embrace her or steal a kiss, when the kids are in crisis mode, there’s just no time for mushy moments. I dropped my bag and immediately scooped up our youngest, changed her diaper, all while mediating Liam and Zoe’s dispute, like I was on a call trying to defuse a bomb. Jenna kept cooking, and once dinner was ready, I helped her set the table. We sat down as a family and ate.

Throughout the evening, Jenna and I barely exchanged words. No one inquired about each other’s day. There were no physical touches or romantic gestures; we were simply tackling the task at hand. After years of parenting, we’ve learned how to coordinate our efforts. While it might not sound romantic, there’s a certain beauty in knowing that Jenna and I are a team. We’ve reached a point where we don’t need to ask one another, “How can I help?” because we instinctively know what needs to be done.

Unfortunately, many people view moments like this as a sign of complacency, believing that love and passion have faded. I don’t think that’s true. It’s just the reality of being married, loving one another, and raising a family. Marriage and parenting are rewarding, but they don’t always resemble a romantic film. Sometimes it looks like business partners tackling a budget. Sometimes it’s about dividing responsibilities to tackle multiple issues at once. Sometimes it’s about standing united on disciplinary actions. Other times, it’s simply appreciating your partner, even if they’re still in sweatpants.

This doesn’t mean we should give up on romance. It’s essential to keep the sparks alive with kisses, cuddles, and fun. Rather, it’s important to recognize that amidst the chaos, we’ve found a partner willing to collaborate on one of life’s toughest challenges—parenting.

After the kids were in bed and the dishes were done, I called out, “You haven’t kissed me.” Jenna, sitting in the living room, turned around and said the same thing. We exchanged glances, waiting for the other to make a move. Finally, we stepped forward and kissed. For a brief moment, we looked like those couples in the paintings, smiling at each other until we heard a creak down the hall. Our toddler, out of bed, was heading toward us. Without a word, I released Jenna, scooped up our little one, and carried her back to bed. The romance would have to wait—at least for now.

If you enjoyed this post, check out our other blog at Home Insemination Kit for more insights into parenting and relationships. For anyone considering the journey of parenthood, Make a Mom is an excellent authority on home insemination. Additionally, Medline Plus offers valuable resources about pregnancy and family planning.

In summary, the journey of parenting can sometimes overshadow the romantic aspects of marriage, transforming it into a partnership focused on logistics and teamwork. However, within that partnership lies a profound beauty—an understanding that you’re both in this together, navigating the ups and downs of family life.