Let’s keep it real, folks: I’ve had my fair share of Judgy Mom Syndrome. For someone who usually champions a “you do you, boo” attitude, parenting threw me into a judgmental vortex where I felt scrutinized from all angles, and I found myself perpetuating the very culture I despised. After 20 months in the parenting trenches, I’ve learned a lot, particularly about my transformation into a sanctimommy. Here’s how it all went down:
Step 1: Do Something That Draws Judgment
For me, that was co-sleeping. Armed with a pamphlet from birthing classes and the hospital, I was warned about the supposed dangers of sharing a bed with my newborn. I had no intention of co-sleeping, especially after splurging on a fancy Halo Bassinest that boasted all the bells and whistles, like soothing vibrations and lullabies.
Despite my anxieties about SIDS and suffocation, my son Max just wouldn’t sleep well in that bassinet. After countless nights of him waking up, I’d pull him into bed with me to nurse. Initially, I’d gently lay him back in the bassinet after each feed, but one night, we both dozed off, and it felt so right. It was much easier than the constant up-and-down routine, allowing us both to catch some z’s.
However, the judgment lingered. I read comments about how co-sleeping could lead to a disaster — a 6-year-old still in my bed, or worse, a tragedy. My pediatrician would always ask if Max had his own sleep space, and I’d lie, saying “yes,” even though he barely ever used it. I began to search online for like-minded parents.
Step 2: Discover the Niche Mom Groups
I dove into Facebook groups dedicated to co-sleeping and baby sleep support, which promised a judgment-free zone. I signed up for everything: breastfeeding, babywearing, attachment parenting, and more. It’s a lonely feeling when you think you’re the only one struggling, but finding a community that shares your experience is like a breath of fresh air.
At first, it felt innocent. I’d read stories of parents who co-slept with no issues, but soon enough, I encountered comments suggesting that anyone who didn’t co-sleep was emotionally disconnected from their children (cue the eyeroll). The situation escalated with memes proclaiming co-sleeping as the only responsible choice, supported by articles from scientific journals. I absorbed this information, feeling equipped for any future debates about my parenting choices.
Step 3: Judgment Day
I became a fervent advocate for co-sleeping, babywearing, and extended nursing. Part of it was education, and part of it was a defense mechanism against criticism. I began to comment on others’ posts, sharing “science-based facts,” completely disregarding the different choices my friends might make. I surrounded myself with a hive mind, where dissenting opinions were simply “wrong.”
Step 4: Realization and Acceptance
Then reality hit. Co-sleeping wasn’t the blissful experience I envisioned. At six months, Max was waking up more frequently, and I was physically uncomfortable. My relationship with my partner was suffering because I was consumed with bedtime routines. The support system I’d built was filled with people who condemned any desire to change my approach.
I wanted Max in my bed because I loved the cuddles, but the judgment made it hard to reconcile my feelings. I realized I shouldn’t have discussed my parenting decisions at all because, in the end, no one really cares how you choose to raise your child. Whether you co-sleep, bottle-feed, or use a home insemination kit, it’s your choice.
Step 5: Healing
Fortunately, I found my tribe — a private mom group that fosters true non-judgment. This group doesn’t allow misinformation or backhanded comments to thrive. Instead, we share personal experiences and professional advice, supporting one another through our parenting journeys.
Recently, I’ve cleaned up my Facebook friends list, unfollowing those who thrive on negativity. I’ve embraced my unique parenting style. I breastfed Max but weaned him at 13 months. We co-slept but also sleep-trained at 6 months. We babywear but also love our stroller. None of these choices matter to anyone but Max and me.
It’s time we trust that every mom is doing what’s best for her family and stop the judgmental commentary. And let’s be mindful of those snide remarks; they cut deeper than we realize.
In conclusion, parenting is a deeply personal journey, and we should all strive to support one another without judgment. For more insightful discussions on parenting and home insemination, check out this post or learn more about pregnancy from this excellent resource. And if you’re curious about self-insemination, here’s a guide that can help you navigate your options.
Summary:
This article reflects on the journey from being a judgmental parent to one who embraces diverse parenting choices. It examines the pitfalls of seeking validation through online communities and highlights the importance of finding supportive, non-judgmental spaces. Ultimately, it advocates for trusting mothers to make the best decisions for their families while fostering understanding and kindness.