Let’s face it: I’m a coffee enthusiast, and yes, a coffee snob. Go ahead, roll your eyes. Feel free to mock me with your colorful Frappuccinos. I’ll be right here, savoring my meticulously crafted cup of exotic African blend, soaking in the aroma that transports me to faraway lands.
Before you throw your coffee sleeve at me, let me clarify. Being a coffee snob doesn’t mean I’m a connoisseur, and I certainly don’t judge anyone else’s brew preferences. My morning ritual as a kid involved a basic Mr. Coffee machine cranking out canned Folgers at 6:30 AM. My mom needed her strong black coffee before she could even think about getting out of bed. When I dared to try it, it tasted like a mix of battery acid and dirty socks. I couldn’t fathom why anyone would voluntarily consume that vile concoction daily.
It wasn’t until my mid-20s, after a night of regrettable decisions, that I truly discovered coffee. A kind colleague handed me a chipped mug and directed me to the coffee maker. That first sip wasn’t pleasant, but it jolted me awake from my vodka-induced haze. I was energized for the rest of the day, and just like that, I was hooked. After a few months of drinking whatever mediocre coffee was around, my taste buds revolted. If I was going to indulge daily, I might as well enjoy the finer stuff. And thus, my coffee obsession began.
Now, I don’t have a fancy kettle or a high-end grinder, nor do I subscribe to any coffee publications. However, I do care about the origin of my beans and the roasting process. I might even throw around phrases like “aromatic with a hint of cherry wood”—just kidding about the accent! Seriously, though, there’s something magical about a genuinely great cup of coffee. It makes me feel nurtured, focused, and for a few hours, invincible. If that’s snobby, so be it. Curious if you might be a coffee snob too? If you’re nodding along, welcome to the club:
1. I refuse to settle for mediocre coffee, even in a caffeine crisis.
I’d rather wait for the perfect brew than drink something subpar. At home, I’ll take my time for that ideal cup (see No. 2 below). If I’m grabbing a coffee out, it could take me ages from waking to sipping. I’ll gladly endure a caffeine headache for that right cup.
2. Brewing at home is a sacred ritual.
I’m an AeroPress gal, which means I boil water, assemble the apparatus, measure grounds, add water, stir, wait, then press until I hear that satisfying whoosh. I have my favorite mug that my family knows to leave alone. I add just the right amount of sugar and a splash of milk (a true coffee expert wouldn’t do that, but hey). Those few moments with my steaming cup are pure bliss. (Disclaimer: My partner usually brews my coffee, making it taste even better!)
3. Destination coffee is a must.
I’ll go out of my way to visit my favorite café. We coffee snobs are social creatures! Finding a place with great coffee and a skilled barista is worth the trek. Plus, when you’re a regular, it’s nice when the barista knows your order without you saying a word.
4. I know my coffee vocabulary (mostly).
I can differentiate a latte from a cappuccino, and I know that the crema on espresso has nothing to do with cream. Still, I enjoy a simple, no-frills brewed coffee—just not Folgers, thanks.
5. I don’t buy pre-ground coffee.
Once coffee is ground, it starts losing its charm after about five days, no matter how well it’s stored. I ask the barista to grind just enough beans for the week. Most grocery stores even have grinders in the coffee aisle.
6. Starbucks deserves my respect.
While my palate has matured, I’ll always be grateful to the double-tailed green mermaid for introducing me to quality espresso. The same year I fell in love with coffee, a Starbucks opened nearby, changing my life forever. Anyone who claims not to enjoy a Pumpkin Spice Latte is just lying.
So yes, I embrace my coffee snobbery with pride. I know there are many more like me out there.
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In summary, if you find yourself nodding along to these points, you might just be a coffee snob like me. There’s nothing wrong with wanting the best cup of coffee and enjoying the little rituals that come with it.