Back in the day, when my mom would ask me to do the dishes, I’d stomp my way to the sink, grumbling under my breath, “You only had kids so someone else could do the chores.” Now that I’m a parent myself, I can’t help but laugh at how misguided that thought was. People don’t have kids just to get a free dishwashing service. No, they have kids to help with all the delightful tasks that come with running a household—like doing the laundry, cleaning up after the dog, and raking leaves. It’s basically common sense. Kids are just free labor, and having them pitch in helps instill a sense of work ethic and responsibility. So, when I ask my kids to help out, I’m not just being a mean mom; I’m setting them up for success while also carving out more time for myself to do truly important things, like scrolling through Pinterest for projects I’ll never actually do.
Managing a household is no small feat, and it was high time I made a crucial decision: my kids need to start contributing. After all, if they’re going to consume all my toilet paper, suck my data dry with their gadgets, and raid the pantry until it’s bare, they can surely help while living their cushy, rent-free lives.
Until now, their chores have mostly revolved around cleaning up their own messes, like making their beds and clearing their dinner plates. Yet despite my endless reminders—let’s be honest, nagging—I still find myself spending a depressing amount of time cleaning up after them, whether it’s picking up dirty socks from under their beds or tossing out candy wrappers they’ve stashed between the couch cushions because the trash can is “too far away.”
Honestly, I’ve always just done things myself because it seemed simpler in the moment. I’ve been in the habit of running this household for so long that I could likely do it in my sleep. I know the most efficient way to tackle everything from scrubbing toilets to vacuuming carpets. But in doing it all myself, I’m not doing my kids, or myself, any favors. If I don’t teach them how to handle these responsibilities, I’m sending the message that it’s not their job—and it absolutely is. I refuse to raise a bunch of messy, entitled teens who think “Mom” equals “maid” or, worse, let them grow into lazy adults who leave dirty laundry strewn about for their partners to deal with. The thought alone makes me cringe.
So, I’ve made a decision: my kids will help me with chores. However, there’s a slight hitch: I’m a neat freak with sky-high standards, and they’re just kids who couldn’t care less about cleanliness. If I swapped out our couch for a mountain of empty pizza boxes, they’d likely just shrug and find a way to use it as a gaming throne.
For the greater good, I’m digging deep, pushing my perfectionist tendencies aside while my kids bumble through their chores, moving at a snail’s pace and complaining all the while. It’s infuriating. As they tackle tasks like cleaning the litter box, I stand by, biting my tongue and practically sweating from holding back my frustration. Externally, I’m calm and composed, but internally it’s a different story: “Oh look, there’s a mess. Grab it! NO! Don’t try to scoop it all at once! Ugh, he’s getting it everywhere. Just shake the scoop, not THAT hard! Now there’s a mess on the floor. What are you doing? You’re not panning for gold, just finish already!”
While they might overdo it with detergent in the washer, I imagine the laundry room overflowing with suds. Honestly, it would take me less time to clean the bathroom than it does for them to do it. But no matter how long it takes or how messy they are, I bite my tongue, offering only the occasional tip. They need to learn that cleaning isn’t just about the front teeth; they’ve got to figure it out themselves. The only way that will happen is if I step back, loosen the reins, and let them.
Unfortunately.
This article was originally published on May 7, 2017. For more insights on parenting, check out our privacy policy.
In Summary
Teaching kids to help with chores is a daunting task that requires patience and a willingness to let go of perfectionism. While it may feel easier to do everything oneself, it’s essential for their growth and development. With time, they will learn responsibility and the importance of contributing to household tasks.