Attention, Fellow Moms: I’m Searching for a Sister Wife

home insemination Kit

Morning light hits, and I’m off to the races. From the moment I wake up, it feels like I’m sprinting until the stars come out. Even then, my mind is still whirring with thoughts of snacks, school pick-ups, and ensuring the cat hasn’t turned the house into a litter box. Someone, please, hand me a caffeine boost and a dollop of patience; I might just survive this day.

Better yet, let’s clone ourselves! Imagine the relief of having another version of you around.

I manage to get the kids to school (okay, maybe a tad late), and out of the corner of my eye, I spot you, fellow warrior of motherhood. You’re just as scattered as I am, identifiable by your messy bun and the way you zoom out of the parking lot. You’ve got your own agenda, probably running behind like the rest of us.

But wow, your skills at coaching basketball are impressive! I watched you in action last week, and you really know how to teach those kids about teamwork. You stay calm even when the referee makes ridiculous calls and you never blow that whistle too much. When Emma spit her gum at your feet, you handled it like a pro.

Meanwhile, I can’t even remember which kid is supposed to play today, let alone if they’re in the right jersey. If gum ended up on my shoes, I might just walk off the court in frustration.

You once mentioned that you wish you could bake like I do, but the thought of getting out all those ingredients makes you anxious. Your kitchen turning into a war zone isn’t exactly your idea of fun, especially when your cakes flop. For me, baking is a kind of therapy, though I had to miss the PTA meeting to whip up those cookies. I heard you were there with your whistle.

So here’s a thought: how about becoming my sister wife? Let’s embrace it. You’re a coaching guru, and I’m the baking queen. We can alternate picking up the dry cleaning and tackle motherhood together. Imagine splitting chores down the middle! I’d be happy to handle double the kids if I only had to do it part-time. The full-time hustle is what makes me lose my mind.

I’m ready to sign a contract. We both know we need this arrangement. I can pick up the kids from school, tackle endless questions, and whip up snacks. You could use that time to grab a latte and unwind, maybe even sign up for that pole dancing class you’ve been too busy to consider. Just make sure it doesn’t conflict with my spin class on Wednesdays and Fridays!

After a refreshing outing and some much-needed sisterly catch-up, you’ll return rejuvenated, ready to face bedtime chaos with your partner. Sounds like a win-win, right?

If you handle birthday parties for my kids, I promise to take care of the bills and school forms. Yep, every single one. I’ll even schedule appointments for the whole family, including your husband’s vasectomy—I’ll drop him off too! I just can’t deal with the party madness; all that gift envy and candle-blowing drama is not my scene.

Every other Thursday and Saturday, I’ll handle the deep cleaning while you do the grocery shopping. I can make a list based on the store layout if I don’t have to actually shop. I’ll even organize the coupons. I’ll have plenty of time for that and all the baking since you’ll be attending those PTA meetings, right? And if you forget my favorite cheese, I promise not to freak out. I’ll be just too grateful to avoid those meetings.

We can take the kids to the park together, and while I supervise, you can scroll through your phone uninterrupted. I’ll handle Tommy to ensure he’s not causing too much chaos, and you can enjoy some Instagram time while I indulge in some baking inspiration on Pinterest.

We’re both still present for our kids; we’re just sharing the monumental task of motherhood. This collaboration idea is brilliant. Who needs to “divide and conquer” when we can combine forces and stay sane?

We each get to pursue what we enjoy most. You keep doing you, and I’ll keep doing me. It’s all good!

And if we ever have a spat? We’ll be too chill for that.

Oh, and your husband? He’s all yours—no sharing necessary.

So, what do you think? Just sign right here…