The Ridiculous Trend of Criticizing Mother’s Day Is Total Nonsense

Every year around this time, we see an influx of blog posts and news articles urging mothers to consider those for whom Mother’s Day might not be a joyous occasion. The trend seems to suggest that mothers should step back and allow space for those who have faced loss.

I know a thing or two about loss. I’ve been without a mother, having spent over two decades estranged from my own before she passed away just after we reunited. I’ve also walked the path of a childless woman yearning for motherhood, battling infertility and waiting for adoption. I understand the heartache that can bubble up around Mother’s Day, especially when images of joyful celebrations serve as reminders of personal loss.

However, I can’t shake the feeling that much of the criticism surrounding Mother’s Day may be rooted in sexism. Let’s break it down:

1. Mothers in the U.S. are often marginalized.

It might not be obvious to those without children, who roll their eyes at strollers on the sidewalk or find our little ones disruptive. Yet, U.S. mothers face career setbacks regularly. Unlike many mothers around the world, we don’t have guaranteed paid maternity leave, and childcare costs can be astronomical, often leading one parent—usually the mother—to stay home. Given that women, on average, earn less than men for the same work, it typically falls on us to sacrifice our careers to care for our kids.

2. Father’s Day doesn’t face the same level of scrutiny.

My social media feeds aren’t bombarded with reminders each Father’s Day to think of fatherless children or men grappling with child loss. In fact, Father’s Day was largely conceived to ensure fathers felt included in parenting celebrations.

3. A day dedicated to women seems to invite micromanagement.

Other secular holidays that celebrate specific groups don’t face the same level of criticism. When Veterans Day arrives, those of us with no military ties step aside so that veterans can bask in the spotlight. We cheer for parades dedicated to people we may not know. Likewise, Valentine’s Day celebrates love, while Halloween is all about kids. We should allow particular groups their special days without guilt.

4. The calendar is full of events that cater to some while excluding others.

This can be perfectly acceptable as long as it isn’t rooted in discrimination or hatred. Non-runners typically don’t begrudge runners their races, even when they block roads and fill local coffee shops. Adults don’t insist kids should enjoy their school breaks less because we don’t get the same time off. We don’t ask college students to downplay their academic achievements on social media just because non-students don’t earn scholarships. Not everyone can be included in everything, and that’s okay.

5. Mothers are constantly told how to do things.

We’re bombarded with contradictory advice, supported by conflicting studies. Corporations want our money, while legislators try to control us. We’re both demonized and idolized by the media. Now, we’re being told to tread lightly on Mother’s Day for the sake of those who may not have the same experiences with motherhood. This feels like another attempt to control women, particularly mothers.

Mother’s Day has roots in feminism, with early celebrations honoring mother goddesses and fostering reconciliation during the Civil War. The modern holiday emerged from feminist activism, most notably Julia Ward Howe’s 19th-century call for mothers to unite for world peace.

In today’s feminist context, Mother’s Day can provide a sanctuary for mothers to uplift and celebrate one another, despite societal pressures to marginalize us. It also allows families to take a breather from the chaos and reflect on the mother-child bond.

I understand that the concept of motherhood can be deeply complex for many. We can acknowledge the losses surrounding motherhood while still carving out a space for mothers and families to celebrate in their own way on Mother’s Day—without guilt or division.

In conclusion, let’s embrace Mother’s Day for what it is: a time for mothers and families to celebrate the unique journey of motherhood, honoring the diverse ways we experience it.

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