The Real Deal: Navigating Motherhood with ADHD

“Sorry!” I call out to my teenage sitter, who’s waiting patiently. It’s 2:45 PM, and I was supposed to pick him up at 3:00. He shrugs it off, “No worries!”

But I have to explain, “I have ADHD. I can either show up late and scramble, or I can go the other way and arrive early. So, I end up overcompensating. I was on track to be 25 minutes early, but I took a detour.”

He chuckles, and I join in, while my kids in the backseat roll their eyes. They know I’m not joking. We often arrive at our homeschool co-op a good half-hour ahead of schedule. I buckle them in and manage to drive a bit down the road before realizing how early we’ll be, prompting a long, scenic route to kill time. We belt out tunes from The Beatles, which isn’t the worst way to spend our extra minutes. It’s just another time sink.

As a mom with ADHD, my day often feels like a maze of wasted time, unfinished tasks, and misplaced items. Even with medication, the fundamental aspects of motherhood can occasionally feel overwhelming—those tasks that seem second nature for everyone else.

Household Chaos

Take laundry, for example. My hampers are empty, but my kitchen resembles a laundromat with baskets filled with clean clothes. I need to sort them and take them to their respective rooms (I’ve given up on folding and just use person-specific baskets). You’d think one basket would be a quick job, but with 12 loads waiting, it turns into a major production. I dread it, I can’t find a spare moment, and by the day’s end, I’m too drained to tackle it. So, there it sits, mocking me from the kitchen table.

My partner, Jake, also has ADHD, so he approaches the dishes with a similar mentality. We kindly ask our guests to steer clear of our kitchen chaos.

Family Dynamics

Our oldest child, Max, shares this trait. As a result, his belongings are a constant source of frustration. His backpack mysteriously appears at co-op, the church, and even brunch. We frequently find ourselves driving to friends’ houses to reclaim that worn-out Star Wars backpack. Thankfully, my obsession with my phone (another delightful ADHD quirk) keeps it from wandering too far. But toys? Shoes? Lunch? Those often get left behind. Losing something trivial is one thing, but misplacing an EpiPen? That’s a whole different ballgame.

Rituals and Routines

Rituals are our lifelines. I have to take my medication first thing in the morning; otherwise, it slips my mind. Coffee is a must for the next hour. Our school day has a strict order: reading, math, social studies, writing, science, with catechism thrown in for good measure. Lunch is a non-negotiable at noon. Our trips to Target must follow a specific route; deviations lead to forgotten items.

Then there’s the hyperfocus. It’s what allows me to write this while my kids bounce on our new couches for 15 minutes, only to notice when one of them screams. I’m vaguely aware of the couch gymnastics but it doesn’t register until there’s an actual crisis. Trying to communicate with Max during his Ninjago marathon? Forget it. You have to physically touch him to get his attention.

Today, both Max and I were so engrossed in his reading that we completely missed the younger two dousing the bathroom with a diaper sprayer. Their excuse? “We saw ants.” In reality, they just wanted to spray water everywhere. They know when we’re zoned in that they can get away with almost anything because we genuinely tune them out. It’s a survival tactic.

The Reality of ADHD Parenting

Being a mom with ADHD means it’s either always late or early. It means forgetting wipes or lunch or even a trash bag. My partner sometimes has to dash back home for the credit card while I’m in the middle of an appointment because we both left it on the desk. My car resembles a mobile garbage can, overflowing with everything, and we consistently procrastinate cleaning it out. Someone is perpetually handing me a coat, artwork, or that beloved backpack. We misplace library books and don’t notice glitter glue explosions until it’s too late.

But at the end of the day, being an ADHD mom means just being a mom. Sure, our challenges might be amplified, and they’re often more visible, making us seem scattered and disorganized. Yet, amid the chaos and routines we cling to, we find joy. Our family thrives in this beautifully chaotic life—hyperfocus and all.

Additional Resources

If you’re looking for more insights on the journey of parenthood, check out this resource on home insemination from our blog. And for couples navigating their fertility journey, Make a Mom provides excellent advice. For a deeper understanding of pregnancy, Healthline is another fantastic resource.

Summary

Navigating motherhood with ADHD brings unique challenges, from the chaos of misplaced items to the struggles of sticking to routines. While tasks may take longer and spontaneity can lead to forgetfulness, every moment is filled with love and laughter. Embracing hyperfocus and rituals helps manage daily life, making the journey chaotic yet fulfilling.