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Don’t Question My Decision to Be a Stay-at-Home Dad
I am a stay-at-home dad. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d be writing that sentence. First off—wait, I have a child?! And I’m not working? What am I even doing with my life?
To bring you up to speed, my partner and I took a quick trip to the Dominican Republic 13 months ago. After countless caipirinhas and a little Zika scare, we found ourselves as the tired yet thrilled parents of a delightful 4-month-old baby girl.
Having watched many friends navigate parenthood over the last couple of decades, I felt pretty prepared for what lay ahead. To bolster that confidence, we signed up for delivery classes, CPR training, and basic baby care workshops. Sure, I might unintentionally stunt my child’s emotional growth, but at least she’ll have a steady oxygen supply and clean diapers.
With a due date of January 2, my wife’s final trimester coincided perfectly with the holiday madness. Life became a whirlwind of anticipation and nerves. The feeling of impending fatherhood was inescapable—no refunds, no time-outs, no do-overs. Our baby crossed the 6-pound mark in utero, and her cheeks became more adorable with every sonogram.
Then came the unexpected news from my employer: my department was being offered a buyout. Walk away voluntarily for a severance package based on my tenure. The timing was surreal, but from an existential viewpoint, it seemed like fate. After years of laziness in job-hunting, I was about to benefit just as my first child was about to arrive. Naturally, I jumped at the chance to be compensated for stepping into the role of a stay-at-home dad during my daughter’s early months.
Fast forward four months, and I can’t fathom handing her off to anyone else. Lucky for me, I married well—my partner is incredibly smart and earns a solid income. But could I genuinely transition to being an unpaid stay-at-home dad?
Finances aren’t the primary concern for now; it’s more about perceptions. I like to think I’ve matured since high school, that I don’t care about what other men think. But the weight of gender norms is hard to shake off. Men work. Men provide.
Yet, this is 2017, and much of this stigma is self-imposed. My father and my partner’s father—classic “men’s men”—seem supportive. My male friends don’t bat an eye, though they do relish the opportunity to poke fun about my perceived “manliness” or question if my extended vacation is funded by their taxes (it’s not!).
Living in Brooklyn has its perks; just this week, I spotted three other stay-at-home dads with strollers in a CVS. We exchanged solemn nods, united in our shared experiences, despite societal stereotypes.
So what’s with the discomfort when an old shopkeeper asks if I’m taking a day off? Or when someone apologizes for my voluntary departure from work? Or when I catch “the look” from someone after I mention I’m a stay-at-home dad? I know getting defensive about it is a hallmark of insecurity, but what’s the point?
After a long day of caring for my daughter, when my partner walks through the door after a tough day at work, I finally breathe easy. I greet her with a kiss, crack open a beer, and whip up dinner (yes, I enjoy cooking!). Watching her reconnect with our daughter, with our dog happily wagging its tail, everything falls into place.
This is the most significant thing I’ve ever done. I’ve always sensed it, but every morning when my daughter greets me with her toothless grin, it becomes crystal clear. I’ve moved on from spreadsheets and budget meetings. I owe her a chance at life that isn’t clouded by my own baggage. How do I teach her to be fearless, compassionate, and indifferent to others’ opinions—without turning her into a jerk?
She’s half me, though she’s inherited about 85% of my looks. One day, she’ll carry on my legacy. I’m determined to raise a kind-hearted, non-serial killer to make the world a better place.
And to anyone who dares to second-guess my choices or wonder what I do all day—whether those voices are real or just in my head—take a hike. I’ve got parenting to do.
For more insights on home insemination, check out this link. And if you’re considering the journey, Make A Mom has some great resources on at-home insemination kits. Also, for those interested in pregnancy, this Healthline article offers valuable information.
Summary:
Becoming a stay-at-home dad wasn’t something I expected, but it has turned into the most fulfilling role of my life. Despite societal pressures and gender norms, I embrace this journey of parenting and the connection I have with my daughter. It’s a unique experience that I wouldn’t trade for anything, and for those who might doubt my choices, I’m busy creating a loving home.