It took a lot of reflection and therapy to get to where I am today. People always said that raising kids comes without a manual, and they were absolutely right. However, after three years of parenting, I’ve realized that kids don’t really need a lot of guidance. What they do need is food, love, and naps.
But adults? Now that’s a different story. They can really test your patience. Perhaps we should come with our own instructions. Unfortunately, we don’t. This realization is what prompted me to seek therapy, which, by the way, was the best decision I ever made.
I’ve spent countless hours unpacking my emotional baggage, trying to understand the people who’ve hurt me, learning to embrace all the feelings, and ultimately, letting go. And I’ve gotten pretty good at it! I can twist my mind into knots to find empathy for others and forgive them. But there’s one group I simply cannot wrap my head around: the individuals who chose to ignore my children.
According to my therapist, this is more common than you might think. I often wonder how these people sleep at night. I probably shouldn’t devote my energy to this, but today I feel compelled to say something.
So, to those who faded away from my life when I became a parent, I have to ask: What on earth is wrong with you?
Do you genuinely believe you can claim to love someone for years—maybe even their entire life—and then just ghost when they become a parent? Do you think I’ll ever believe that you cared about me when my heart is now invested in my kids, and you completely disregard their existence?
Look, if you didn’t want to be in my life anymore, I could understand that. I am not perfect—my sense of humor can be obnoxious, I’m often late, and the list goes on. Yet, you stuck around through all of that. Then, as soon as my first child arrived, you vanished. Why?
Honestly, it stung initially. I wanted to share my joy with you—to introduce you to this incredible little human I was sure you’d adore. But my calls went unanswered, and visits were never arranged. I’m not asking you to drop everything and create a scrapbook of my kids, but a little interest would have been nice—an acknowledgment that they are part of my life. After all, they are my children, and you once claimed to love me.
I’m no longer hurt. I refuse to feel sorry for myself because here’s the reality: If you are too self-absorbed to appreciate the joy these kids bring, that’s on you. And it’s a significant loss.
You’ve missed out on so much: my son’s laugh, bright and infectious like a bell; his hugs, which overflow with joy; and his sharp wit. And then there’s my daughter, a whirlwind of energy discovering the world one mischief at a time. Her tiny footsteps are music to my ears. If you’re okay missing out on that, well, that’s rather sad for you.
By checking out of our lives when my children arrived, you left the show at intermission. You picked up your overpriced souvenir T-shirt and exited before the best part. And I genuinely feel sorry for you because these kids are extraordinary and have so much love to give.
After much introspection, I realize where I stand. So here’s my message to those former friends and family members who ghosted on my wonderful kids: If you don’t care enough to know them, you simply don’t deserve to be in their lives. That’s the bottom line.
I genuinely wish you well. But we’re going to thrive, with or without you.
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Summary
In this candid piece, the author reflects on the disappointment of friends and family who disappeared after she became a parent. Despite the hurt, she emphasizes the joy her children bring and concludes that those who can’t appreciate this love simply don’t deserve a place in her life.