Dear Kids, Can We Tone Down the Public Embarrassment?

home insemination Kit

Hey there, kiddos!

I think it’s high time we have a little heart-to-heart about our family’s unique quirks. We’re a bit unconventional, and we do tend to share way too much with strangers. Maybe we’re not as odd as I think, but it seems like many other families have taught their kids about discretion when it comes to certain topics and language. I realized this recently at the restaurant when the hostess handed us the pager, and one of you exclaimed, “It’s my turn to hold the vibrator!” Yep, that was a wake-up call.

Now, of course, I hope you don’t actually know what a vibrator is. You just loved the feel of the pager in your hands and wanted your time with it. But maybe we should avoid putting those things under our shirts—who knows where they’ve been?

Let’s try to keep our voices down a notch in public. Shouting isn’t necessary, and it would really help your mom avoid the urge to hide under the nearest table. I get it; you’re excited about your new toothbrushes, especially since I have to remind you all the time to brush those tiny teeth. But when I rush to the restroom before leaving the store, it’s really not the best moment to whip out your toothbrush and start scrubbing at the water fountain after I told you to wait. Just doing what you’re asked would really help us all out!

And yes, I did chuckle when you called it a “Trump dump” on your way to the bathroom the other day. But when I asked you not to repeat it, I meant it—even if I had to stifle a laugh. You thought you were being hilarious, and I get that my reaction validated you, but let’s keep some things private, especially around guests! I’d like to invite those friends over again without cringing.

I know it was a surprise when you walked in on me crying and taking a pregnancy test last year. I explained what was happening, but trust me, no one wants to hear that story anymore. And when your dad was lounging on the couch groaning with an ice pack, you compared it to our puppy’s visit to the vet. I thought you understood, but sharing that he got “his balls chopped off” in the grocery store is a bit too much! If it involves private parts, let’s keep it between us and check with Mom or Dad first.

And while I appreciate that hissing has become your way to express frustration without yelling, please remember it’s not appropriate to direct that at adults, especially teachers.

So, listen up—your time for using childhood innocence as an excuse for sharing embarrassing details is over. Let’s try to be a bit more appropriate, shall we? We can still be quirky, but let’s save our family secrets for our home. If we can manage that, it may even lead to more invitations to gatherings, which sounds way more fun than embarrassing me in public. Plus, I’ll yell less and save a bit of cash since I won’t need to buy as much wine.

It’s a win-win situation! We can totally do this.

Love,
Mom

P.S. For more parenting tips, check out one of our other blog posts on terms and conditions. And if you’re curious about home insemination options, Make A Mom is a great authority on the subject. For those seeking further resources on infertility, Mount Sinai offers excellent guidance as well.

Summary:

This humorous letter addresses the author’s kids about the importance of keeping certain topics private, especially in public settings. It discusses specific incidents of embarrassment, encourages proper behavior, and suggests that being discreet could lead to more social opportunities while reducing stress for the parent.