We’ve all been there, right? You’re casually chatting with other parents at preschool, and suddenly the teacher pulls you aside with that dreaded line: “Can we talk… in private?” My heart sinks as I trail behind her, leaving my daughter in the supervised playroom. The other parents and their toddlers breeze past, blissfully unaware, while I awkwardly lean against a wall, wedged between a gardening cart and a squeaky tricycle.
“There was a biting incident today,” the teacher informs me, her sympathetic expression making it clear that my child is the culprit. I stand there, tongue-tied and flustered. My youngest child, the one I thought would be my sweet little angel, is the first of my brood to take a nibble out of someone. The embarrassment washes over me, but it’s more than just that. It’s not just shock; it’s a wave of shame. How did I end up as the parent of a biter? What am I doing wrong?
There are moments in parenting that can make you feel like a total failure, even if you’ve been a stellar parent so far. Biting is one of those “unthinkables” that can make you feel like your child has suddenly turned into a wild beast. Sure, my daughter is usually sweet, polite, and aces her broccoli, but now she’s just known as The Biter, with me tagged as The Biter’s Mom.
When your kid bites, it’s like wearing a big “parenting fail” sticker. We often take our children’s behavior personally, as if it’s a direct indictment of our parenting skills. One slip—whether it’s a forgotten “thank you” or sinking teeth into another kid’s arm—and we start questioning our abilities. As a seasoned mom, I recognize that misbehavior often signals a struggle with emotions or testing boundaries. Toddlers are just mini-humans trying to navigate a world of feelings and frustrations. Honestly, who wouldn’t resort to their teeth when overwhelmed?
According to the American Psychological Association, biting is a common phase for kids aged 3 and under. That’s comforting, right? But that doesn’t lessen the sting of shame, especially for the mom of the child who got bitten. Rational explanations are no match for societal expectations. We want our little ones to behave like civilized beings, not feral creatures.
Eventually, I manage to stammer out an apology to the teacher. I assure her that we encourage our kids to use their words. I want her to know I’m a caring parent, and I can’t help but wonder if my daughter was provoked. I instinctively want to defend her—and myself.
The teacher explains that while lining up, another child accidentally pushed my daughter, who then got shoved back. Frustrated, she resorted to biting instead of using her words. At least there’s some context, but it doesn’t wipe away the shame I feel.
When I return to the classroom, my daughter is busy building a block tower, her face lighting up as she sees me. “Mama!” she squeals, wrapping her arms around my leg. “I was sad today.” “I know, sweetie,” I reply, brushing her hair back. While I feel guilty about her actions, I don’t want to pass any of my shame onto her. She’s just a little one, learning as she goes. My role is to guide her with kindness and help her choose better responses.
Now, I brace myself for the apology call to the other child’s mom. A little understanding from another parent can go a long way in easing our own burdens. For more insights on family-building options, check out Resolve, and for specific products that can help you on your journey, take a look at Make a Mom.
Summary
Dealing with a biting incident from your child can be a source of great shame and embarrassment for parents. It’s easy to internalize a child’s misbehavior as a reflection of our parenting abilities, especially when it comes to behaviors like biting. Understanding that such actions are often a result of emotional overwhelm can help parents navigate these situations with empathy. Supporting our children as they learn to express their feelings is a crucial part of parenting.