You know that feeling when you leave home and your body is like, “Uh-uh, not happening!”? That’s me. As soon as I shut the door behind me and hop into the car, my backside decides it’s officially homesick. My body goes into lockdown mode—my bathroom is now a distant memory, and no amount of coaxing will unlock the gates until I’m back on my own throne.
I’m pretty sure I have a case of “Traveling Toilet Anxiety.” You see, when I’m on the road, my body goes into full-on rebellion, refusing to perform the most natural of functions. While some people find their bowels quite active due to nerves, I’m the opposite. I can’t seem to drop the kids off at the pool no matter how hard I try. I’ve attempted everything—deep breathing, hot showers, even serenading my bowels with some calming Enya. I’ve even hauled my suitcase into the bathroom for some DIY squatty potty action. But alas, nothing works.
On the bright side, this situation comes with a few perks. No awkward moments in public restrooms, no frantic “excuse me” dashes during dinner, and no worries about stinking up my hotel room. Plus, I can flaunt my favorite thongs without the stress of potential skid marks. Silver linings, right?
But let’s talk about the other side of the coin: the discomfort. When you can’t poop, eating becomes a tricky business. The thought of stuffing more food into my already jam-packed system makes me queasy. And don’t get me started on the bloating—my insides feel like a congested grain silo, and my clothes fit like a glove on a pumpkin.
Let’s not forget the gas. Even though my body is holding everything in, something’s gotta give eventually, and when it does, it can clear a room. It’s mortifying!
Imagine trying to enjoy a trip while battling the urge to go. Outwardly, I’m a cheerful traveler, but inside, I’m just a blocked-up gal dreaming about some stool softener. And every trip concludes in the same fashion: I finally unlock my front door and my body shouts, “Freedom!” Off I go to the porcelain throne, armed with a gas mask and a good book, because I know I’ll be there for a while.
So, if you see me looking a bit anxious or uncomfortable, don’t take it personally. It’s just my stubborn bowels playing games.
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Summary: Traveling can be a humorous yet uncomfortable ordeal for those like me who suffer from travel-related bowel issues. While there are some perks to not being able to poop on the go, the discomfort and anxiety can overshadow the joys of travel.