Why I’m Not Sweating My Kids’ Grades

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When my kids’ report cards arrive, I quickly glance at the letter grades, but I immediately hone in on what really matters: the teacher’s comments about my children. That’s where the juicy details are! It’s in those notes that I discover if my kid has been passing notes in class or if they’re facing other challenges.

Now, don’t get me wrong—I care about grades. But I think the obsession with straight A’s sets unrealistic expectations for some kids. Not every child is going to shine in every subject. We all excel in different areas, and I genuinely believe that not everyone is destined to be an honor roll student.

I was an honor roll kid myself. I racked up straight A’s and even made it into the National Honor Society. But then came my nemesis: chemistry. I absolutely detested it. My brain just didn’t click with the periodic table; I was more of an artsy bookworm than a science whiz. Despite my efforts, I ended up with my first C in high school.

That doesn’t mean I’m okay with my kids earning C’s; it’s just that I don’t want to overemphasize the letter itself. Grades don’t truly capture what a child is absorbing or struggling with. I’m far more interested in their effort and whether they actually enjoy the subject. If they detest chemistry or find a particular topic challenging, maybe a C isn’t the end of the world.

I adored writing essays in English, but I suspect at least one of my kids will loathe it. We’re all unique with our interests and talents. My expectation is that they give their best effort, even in subjects they don’t enjoy. But “best” doesn’t always equate to an A.

I won’t lie—the idea of my kids achieving straight A’s is still appealing. But will I be disappointed by a grade alone? Absolutely not. I’ll be disappointed if they didn’t try, didn’t seek help, or didn’t complete their assignments. In chemistry, I did what I needed to pass because I put in the effort, even if I hated the subject.

Each of my three kids has their own preferences, which is truly fascinating to watch. I often find myself wondering what their future careers might be. My oldest is great at math and science and enjoys reading and writing. Perhaps she’ll pull off straight A’s, but I won’t pressure her to chase those grades.

A few months back, she received a low grade in math, which caught us off guard since she usually excels. She confessed that she hadn’t put in the effort she knew she was capable of—too busy fiddling with things in her desk instead of focusing. For me, that was the real issue. I didn’t care about the C; I cared about her lack of effort. She agreed and, on her next report card, she raised her grade to a B. We celebrated her effort, not the letter.

Then there’s my middle child, who gets good grades but isn’t particularly fond of school. He often resists going, puzzling us all since he’s so capable.

We need to ease the pressure on our kids to achieve only A’s and B’s and instead emphasize the importance of trying their best and learning something meaningful. I don’t care if my daughter gets an A in history if she can’t recall who signed the Declaration of Independence a year later. And if my son isn’t keen on reading, that’s fine—my husband isn’t either!

I’ll teach him that reading might be part of the curriculum, and it’s something he’ll have to do. One day, he may need to read for his job. It’s not the end of the world; you do what you must. As long as he puts in genuine effort, I’m content.

Too often, we overlook that our kids are individuals with their own likes, dislikes, and passions. They simply can’t be expected to excel at everything. I certainly don’t; numbers make me shut down, and I’m a functioning adult!

Many successful individuals don’t graduate at the top of their class from prestigious universities—some may even attend community colleges—and that’s perfectly fine. Success comes in various forms. While I expect my children to value education, it’s because I want them to find their own paths, learn about the world, and hopefully pursue something that brings them joy.

So why do we push such unrealistic expectations of straight A’s and B’s on our kids? Some will achieve that, and that’s fantastic. But for others, it’s simply not realistic, and that’s okay too. I want my kids to understand that putting in a solid effort is what truly matters in school—and in life—and yes, it’s perfectly fine if they also despise chemistry.

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In summary, it’s essential to focus on effort and individual growth rather than fixating solely on grades. Kids are unique, and we should encourage them to embrace their interests while striving to do their best.